action Archives – CULTURE MIX

Review: ‘One Ranger,’ starring Thomas Jane and John Malkovich

May 28, 2023

by Carla Hay

Thomas Jane and Dominique Tipper in “One Ranger” (Photo courtesy of Lionsgate)

Directed by Jesse V. Johnson

Culture Representation: Taking place in Texas, Mexico, Eastern Europe, and the United Kingdom, the action film “One Ranger” features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some black people, Latinos and Native Americans) representing the working-class, middle-class and criminal underground.

Culture Clash: A Texas ranger is enlisted by a British intelligence agent to help capture a Northern Irish terrorist.

Culture Audience: “One Ranger” will primarily appeal to people who don’t mind watching low-quality “law and order” chase movies.

Dean Jagger in “One Ranger” (Photo courtesy of Lionsgate)

“One Ranger” star Thomas Jane is one of those actors who has done so many bad movies over the last several years, people who watch a lot of movies already know that any film he stars in will be a terrible flop. “One Ranger” is just a ridiculous series of chase scenes where viewers are supposed to believe that MI6 can’t catch an international terrorist without the help of one Texas Ranger. John Malkovich’s oddly placed role in the movie is really a glorified cameo.

Written and directed by Jesse V. Johnson, “One Ranger” not only has subpar acting and poorly staged action scenes, it also has a barrage of cringeworthy dialogue. The movie foreshadows how horrible it’s going to be with a captioned statement in the introduction that says: “In 1896, Texas Ranger Captain William ‘Bill’ McDonald arrived in Dallas to quell the riot expected to an accompany an illegal heavyweight fight. Seeing MacDonald alone, the mayor asked where the other lawmen were, McDonald replied, ‘Hell, ain’t I enough?’ One riot, one ranger.”

This hokey statement is supposed to be the excuse for why the entire movie is about how only one Texas Ranger is needed to take down an elusive international terrorist. The Texas Ranger in this case is Alex Tyree (played by Jane), a rough-and-tumble character who is nothing but a hollow stereotype, as are almost all the characters in this creatively bankrupt film. “One Ranger” viewers will learn nothing about who Alex really is as a person. He might as well be a robot.

Alex is first seen in a shootout involving the arrest of Tom Worth (played by Gregory Zaragoza), because Tom has violated his parole. Tom is being accused of assault, brandishing a firearm in a public place, and stealing a horse, a rifle and whiskey from Tom’s employer. Alex snarls at Tom: “Try to run, I’ll kill you … You’re just more trash in Terlingua County, like me.”

Alex and Tom are in a desert area. Out of nowhere, a gunman shows up and tries to hold Tom hostage, but the the gunman runs away when he sees that Alex is a skilled shooter. Later, Alex is seen getting into a confrontation with a generic FBI Agent with the last name Derby (played by Spencer Collins), who gets punched in the face by Alex. We get it. Alex likes to intimidate criminals and federal agents.

One day, Alex gets a visit from someone who describes herself as an agent from “British intelligence.” She won’t say the word “MI6,” but everything in the movie indicates that she’s from MI6. Her name is Jennifer Smith (played by Dominique Tipper), who informs Alex that she needs his help in catching an international terrorist who has shown an extraordinary ability to evade capture. Why was Alex chosen? Jennifer says Alex has a reputation for being the best Texas Ranger to catch fugitives.

The terrorist is Declan McBride (played by Dean Jagger), whom Jennifer describes as an “ex-provisional IRA wanted for a string of terrorist activities on and off the British mainland.” She also describes Declan and “vicious” and “resourceful.” Jennifer says that to get money, Declan charges a “small fee” to rob banks. He then passes on the proceeds from his robberies “to the worst criminal causes imaginable.”

Jennifer has gotten a tip that Declan is planning a big job in Great Britain, and he might or might not be hiding in a part of Mexico that’s close to the Texas border. The rest of “One Ranger” alternates between showing Declan and showing Alex (with Jennifer sometimes accompanying him) in this fugitive pursuit. There are several uninteresting, time-wasting scenes in the tedious buildup to the predictable final showdown.

Alex goes to London at one point to meet Jennifer’s boss: a prickly cynic named Geddes (played by Malkovich), who talks in a weird cadence and sounds like he’s slurring his words. Don’t be fooled by Malkovich sharing headline billing with Jane for this movie. Malkovich’s screen time in the 95-minute “One Ranger” is less than 10 minutes.

The movie has a few boring scenes of Declan meeting with a terrorist crony named Yuri the Cossack (played by Nick Moran, doing a terrible Eastern European accent), a character that doesn’t add anything substantial to the story. Declan is shown having relationship problems with his disheveled and angry lover Angel (played by Rachel Wilde), who has one glass eye and who gets drunk a lot. Declan also has a muscular protector named Oleg Jakovenko (played by Jess Liaudin), who has a stereotypical brutish role.

Tipper makes some effort to bring some spark to her performance as Jennifer, but Jane is just going through the expected motions for his robotic Alex character. Jagger (who is American in real life) does a very questionable Northern Irish accent as Declan. Everyone else in the cast is easily forgettable because their characters are so banal. “One Ranger” is the kind of “one and done” movie that only needs to be watched once, and it will be probably be followed by the feeling that the time could have been spent watching a much better film.

Lionsgate released “One Ranger” in select U.S. cinemas, on digital and VOD on May 5, 2023. The movie will be released on Blu-ray and DVD on June 13, 2023.

Review: ‘Kandahar’ (2023), starring Gerard Butler, Navid Negahban, Ali Fazal, Bahador Foladi, Nina Toussaint-White, Vassilis Koukalani and Travis Fimmel

May 28, 2023

by Carla Hay

Gerard Butler and Navid Negahban in “Kandahar” (Photo by Hopper Stone, SMPSP/Open Road Films/Briarcliff Entertainment)

“Kandahar” (2023)

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh

Some language in Persian, Arabic and Urdu with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in the mid-2010s in Iran, Dubai, Pakistan, Afghanistan, the United States, and the United Kingdom, the action film “Kandahar” features a white and Middle Eastern cast of characters representing the working-class and middle-class.

Culture Clash: A Scottish military-trained operative, on loan from MI6, works undercover with the CIA to stop terrorism in the Middle East, but his cover is blown, and he and an interpreter must find their way to safety at an extraction point in Kandahar, Afghanistan.

Culture Audience: “Kandahar” will primarily appeal to people who are fans of star Gerard Butler and formulaic and forgettable action movies about fighting terrorists in the Middle East.

Bahador Foladi and Nina Toussaint-White in “Kandahar” (Photo by Hopper Stone, SMPSP/Open Road Films/Briarcliff Entertainment)

“Kandahar” gets awfully convoluted and takes too long to get to the main mission in the story. The film editing is sloppy, while the action scenes are unremarkable. The movie’s worst idea is the secret CIA surveillance room that gets unrealistic footage. It’s yet another violent action flick about stopping terrorists in the Middle East, with a predictable protagonist who’s “rough around the edges” heroic. The problem is that “Kandahar” gets so distracted with subplots, the movie just ends up being a formulaic mush of chase scenes, explosions and fights in Middle Eastern locations.

Directed by Ric Roman Waugh and written by Mitchell LaFortune, “Kandahar” seems very impressed with itself in showing all the international locations where the story is supposed to take place, but there’s very little character development in all of this nation-hopping. The movie, which takes place in the mid-2010s, jumps back and forth to scenes that are supposed to take place in Iran, Dubai, Pakistan, Afghanistan, the United States, and the United Kingdom. “Kandahar” was actually filmed in Saudi Arabia.

The first 30 minutes of the two-hour “Kandahar” is like watching a racing car spin its wheels and not getting anywhere. A lot of viewers who watch “Kandahar” without knowing anything about it in advance will be wondering during these first 30 minutes exactly what this movie is going to be about. The movie’s first 30 minutes are a very long setup to show that Tom Harris (played by Gerard Butler), a gruff and tough undercover operative originally from Scotland, is on loan from MI6 to the CIA. He’s embedded as part of a CIA mission to destroy Iran’s nuclear program before Iran has a chance to build a catastrophic bomb.

The opening scene shows Tom and a CIA operative named Oliver Altman (played by Tom Rhys Harries) getting detained by Iranian soldiers in a desert in Qom, Iran. Tom and Oliver are posing as service employees for a company named SIBLIXT Communications, and they have a SIBLIXT Communications van as part of their cover. When Oliver and Tom are questioned by the suspicious soldiers, Tom (who is seen as the bigger threat) and Oliver insist that they were hired by the Iranian government to work on telephone lines so that the city of Qom can have better Internet connectivity.

It all looks so phony, because this setting is in a remote desert area, with no telephone lines in sight. Tom and Oliver being obvious Westerners are also big indications that they’re not who they say they are. They might as well be wearing T-shirts that say “Undercover Operatives From a Western Nation.” Tom shows the interior of the van to the soldiers, in order to prove that Tom and Oliver have no weapons. Tom also shows them some video footage on his cell phone to “prove” that there’s Internet service in the area.

Even though none of this proves that Tom and Oliver are who they say they, the soldiers let Tom and Oliver go anyway. Oliver and Tom drive away with some relief and pride that the soldiers believed their story. The only purpose of this scene is to show viewers that Tom has the skills to talk his way out of tricky situations with dimwitted soldiers.

Meanwhile, a British journalist named Luna Cujai (played by Nina Toussaint-White) is seen getting some photos emailed to her from a U.S. Pentagon contact named James. These photos are irrefutable evidence that the CIA is involved in covert operations that are usually not sanctioned by the government (also known as black ops), and this activity is happening in Iran and other parts of the Middle East. Luna has a phone conversation with a supervisor to tell this boss that she has uncovered some bombshell information.

“It’s a bigger scandal than [Edward] Snowden and WikiLeaks combined,” Luna excitedly tells her supervisor. She then sends the incriminating evidence to her boss, who is never seen on camera. And when a journalist in a movie about fighting terrorism uncovers something that could be an international scandal, it’s easy to predict that the journalist is going to be in some peril at some point in the movie. As already shown in the trailer for “Kandahar,” Luna gets kidnapped.

Tom’s main CIA contact in the Middle East is another undercover operative named Roman Chalmers (played by Travis Fimmel), an American who is mostly seen having secretive phone conversations while dressed in traditional Middle Eastern garb. Roman’s big action scenes don’t come until much later in the movie. What looks very fake about many of Roman’s phone conversation scenes is that he discusses classified information while walking around in public, as if no one else can eavesdrop on these public conversations.

And it wouldn’t be a typical Gerard Butler action movie without part of the plot being about his “hero” character having a race against time to get home safely to a family member. In the case of Tom, he has promised his soon-to-be ex-wife Corrine Harris (played by Rebecca Calder) that he will be back in the United Kingdom in time go to the high-school graduation ceremony of their daughter Ida Harris (played by Olivia-Mai Barrett), who wants to become a doctor.

During a phone conversation between Tom and Corrine, she says that she wants Tom to sign their divorce papers. Corrine tells him that she has a new man in her life but doesn’t go into further details. Corrine suggests that, for Ida’s sake, Tom should find a safer line of work, such as teaching. Tom replies, “I’m not really interested in sitting behind a desk all day.”

Meanwhile, Roman has hired an Iranian interpreter named Mohammad “Mo” Doud (played by Navid Negahban) to work with Tom for their undercover mission. Mo needs the money, but he has another motivation to do this potentially dangerous job. Mo eventually tells Tom that Mo blames the Taliban for the death of his son Amin, who was Mo’s only child. In a movie like “Kandahar,” the odds are very high that Mo will come face-to-face with the man who murdered Amin.

Mo is also looking for the missing sister of his wife Adila Doud (played by Reem AlHabib), who is a typical “worried wife at home” character that’s very common in macho movies like “Kandahar,” where only men are seen in combat. Mo’s search for his missing sister-in-law is yet another subplot that gets thrown into the movie, only to be mishandled and lost in the overall muddled story. Expect to hear Tom give multiple apologies to Mo for various screw-ups and deliberate miscommunications that are in the movie just to create more drama.

“Kandahar” has generic depictions of the CIA and Tom’s opponents. A meeting between the Taliban Shura leadership with Pakistani Inter-Services Intelligence (I.S.I.) at I.S.I. headquarters in Islamabad, Pakistan, is plunked into the movie like a soulless and drab corporate meeting, with characters who are mostly nameless. The movie makes little effort to have memorable antagonists to the “heroes.”

There’s a cold-blooded Iranian government operative leader named Bashar Hamadani (played by Vassilis Koukalani), a Taliban ally, who orders the kidnapping of Luna, when he finds out that she has valuable information about CIA operations in Iran and elsewhere. Farzad Asadi (played by Bahador Foladi), who is Bashar’s loyal subordinate, is the main person who interrogates Luna when she’s in captivity. A ruthless assassin named Kahil (played by Ali Fazal) is supposed to be a rising star in the Taliban, but he comes and goes in the movie with all the personality of a cardboard cutout.

And the CIA officers giving orders and making leadership decisions are equally lacking in distinctive personalities. Mark Lowe (played by Mark Arnold) and Chris Hoyt (played by Corey Johnson) are the bland CIA officials who are given the most screen time. Mark and Chris do a lot of monitoring in a secret CIA room with giant video screens. This secret room has inexplicably perfect aerial views of whatever fight scenes or chases are going with the CIA operatives on the ground, even though there are no drones in the sky during these scenes to explain how the CIA is getting this video footage.

The secret CIA room can also pick up audio with pristine sound levels when people are giving chase or are being chased in the same scene. In other words, the CIA can listen in on what’s being said during these chase scenes. Who knew that the CIA could somehow plant invisible microphones on the Taliban in the middle of a chase scene that’s usually in a remote desert? And it’s all filmed for the CIA from the air and sometimes in the vehicles that are involved in the chase.

Because yes, “Kandahar” wants viewers to believe that the CIA has all this magical surveillance equipment to monitor CIA operatives and opponents, but the CIA can’t figure out how to get Tom and Mo to safety when Tom’s cover is blown because the information that journalist Luna uncovered is leaked to the Taliban. Tom and Mo’s only hope for safety is to reach an extraction point in Kandahar, Afghanistan, but there comes a point in the movie when Tom and Mo are left to figure out how to get there on their own. Somehow, the CIA’s magical surveillance room isn’t going to work to find Tom and Mo, because there would be no “Kandahar” movie if Tom and Mo weren’t left stranded in the desert with Taliban soldiers chasing after them, which is the movie’s main dramatic hook.

The acting performances in “Kandahar” aren’t terrible, but they’re not great either. That’s because almost everyone in the movie is written like a video game character. Negahban’s performance as Mo is the exception, since there’s real depth to his portrayal of the Mo character, who has more at stake in trying to stay alive than making it on time to a child’s graduation ceremony. Hollywood movies almost never have characters like Mo as the central protagonists. The type of suffering that Mo lives with is just too real for make-believe films that want to perpetuate myths about a certain stereotypical character who is almost always the main hero of the story.

Open Road Films and Briarcliff Entertainment released “Kandahar” on U.S. cinemas on May 26, 2023.

Review: ‘Pichaikkaran 2,’ starring Vijay Antony, Kavya Thapar and Dev Gill

May 27, 2023

by Carla Hay

“Pichaikkaran 2”

Directed by Vijay Antony

Tamil with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in Chennai, India, the sci-fi action film “Pichaikkaran 2” (a stand-alone sequel to 2016’s “Pichaikkaran” features an all-South-Asian cast of characters representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: An evil and greedy businessman, who wants to get rid his rival brother, abducts a street beggar so that the brains of the beggar and the businessman’s brother can be switched through a secret surgery.

Culture Audience: “Pichaikkaran 2” will appeal primarily to people who don’t mind watching an overly long and terribly made movie about greed and swapping human brains through transplants.

Dev Gill in “Pichaikkaran 2” (Photo courtesy of Vijay Antony Film Corporation)

“Pichaikkaran 2” is a sorry excuse for a sequel. This long-winded sci-fi action flick has a terribly conceived plot about brain swapping. This time-wasting junk ironically lacks any brain-power intelligence. The only real brain damage is to the brain cells of viewers who watch this idiotic film.

Written and directed by Vijay Antony, “Pichaikkaran 2” is a sequel to the 2016 film “Pichaikkaran,” which is superior to this sequel in every single way. (The word “pichaikkaran” means “beggar” in Tamil.) The main thing that these vastly different movies have in common is that Vijay Antony has the title starring role in both movies. “Pichaikkaran” was written and directed by Sasi. Antony makes his feature-film directorial debut with “Pichaikkaran 2,” which Antony co-wrote with K Palani and Paul Antony.

In “Pichaikkaran 2” (which takes place in Chennai, India), a wealthy businessman named Vijay Gurumoorthy (played by Antony) is the heir leader to his family’s business, after the family patriarch (Vijay’s father) has died. Vijay’s evil and greedy younger brother Aravind (played by Dev Gill) convinces a reluctant Vijay to keep their father’s death a secret for about a month. Aravind tells Vijay that they need this secrecy so that the company’s stocks don’t go down and so that they have time to prepare for the transition to new leadership.

In reality, Aravind want this month to prepare for a dastardly plan to get rid of Vijay and take over the business. Aravind has heard about a revolutionary surgery that can do human brain transplants. This surgery is an outlawed medical procedure, since the worldwide medical community has issues with the ethics of human brain transplants.

A rogue surgeon named Dr. Shiva (played by Hareesh Peradi) is an advocate of this surgery and has given media interviews saying that this surgery should be legal because it could prolong people’s lives. Aravind tells M. Krishna Iyer (played by Y. G. Mahendran), the loyal secretary of this deceased business mogul, to find Dr. Shiva, who is brought to a secret meeting with Aravind and Krishna. Dr. Shiva is eager to perform this surgery, for the right price.

After Aravind is convinced that this surgery would really work, he hires Dr. Shiva and tells him to wait and see who will be the two people who will have their brains swapped. Aravind then has Vijay kidnapped. Aravind viciously beats and kicks Vijay into unconsciousness. And it just so happens there’s an impoverished beggar named Sathya (also played by Antony), who is a look-alike to Vijay. Sathya, who grew up as a poor orphan, is also kidnapped and made unconscious through violent ways.

Two look-alike people and a brain-swapping plot? You know what this means, of course. Vijay and Sathya end up in a secret operating room, where their brains are swapped. When they both wake up, the body of Vijay has the mind of Sathya, while the body of Sathya has the mind of Vijay. Sathya and Vija still have long-term memories, so they can vividly remember their past.

Avarind’s plan is to kill the body of Sathya (which has Vijay’s mind) and keep the body of Vijay (which has Sathya’s mind), to use as a decoy, so that people will think Vijay is still alive. Avarind thinks that this “fake Vijay” (who has Sathya’s mind) will be such an incompetent leader, the “fake Vijay” will be ousted from the company, giving Avarind a clear path to take over the family business. The problem with this conspiracy is that Sathya, whose mind is in now in the body of Vijay, remembers his real past and isn’t afraid to say so. Even though some people think Sathya is mentally ill for saying he’s trapped in the wrong body, Sathya (in Vijay’s body) is determined to find out why he’s now being told that he is Vijay and has to live Vjay’s life.

After this secret brain-transplant surgery takes place, Vijay’s loyal and loving girlfriend Hema (played by Kavya Thapar), who also works for the company, begins to grow suspicious about the way the “fake Vijay” has been acting, because this “fake Vijay” doesn’t remember a lot of things about their relationship. Will she discover the secret? Will Avarind get away with his moronic scheme? It should come as no surprise that Sathya (in Vijay’s body) is not as gullible and passive as Avarind thinks Sathya should be.

This bloated 148-minute film stretches out the very thin plot with a lot of phony-looking fight scenes and cringeworthy musical numbers. Everything about “Pichaikkaran 2” reeks of mindless filmmaking with a big budget. How stupid is the dialogue in “Pichaikkaran 2”? Aravind repeats the redundant phrase that Vijay is worth “millions and billions.” The acting in this movie is mostly horrendous. The film editing (by Antony) is choppy and amateurish. Antony also wrote the bombastic musical score for “Pichaikkaran 2,” which blasts the music in obnoxious volume levels.

Although “Pichaikkaran 2” tries to make Vijay look like he’s a desirable and admirable person, he’s actually quite terrible. There’s a scene early in the movie (before the brain-transplant surgery takes place), when Hema questions Vijay’s decision to keep his father’s death a secret for a month. In response, Vijay hits Hema hard in the face. It’s all just an exploitative set-up to make the mind of altruistic and compassionate Sathya the better choice for the body of Vijay. Sathya also has a side to him that is a ruthless vigilante, which is the movie’s excuse to have a lot of violent scenes of Sathya as an “action hero.

Along the way, “Pichaikkaran 2” has a lot of preaching about Anti-Bikili, a social movement that’s against greed, corruption and arrogance about money. There’s also a treacly subplot about Sathya looking for his long-lost sister Rani, who was separated from him in their childhood, when they were sent to different foster homes. “Pichaikkaran 2” is just a horribly made vanity project from Antony. The only real “begging” for “Pichaikkaran 2” is when disastisfied viewers see how bad this trash-dump movie is and beg for it to be over.

Vijay Antony Film Corporation released “Pichaikkaran 2” in select U.S. cinemas and in India on May 19, 2023.

Review: ‘The Machine’ (2023), starring Bert Kreischer, Mark Hamill, Jimmy Tatro, Iva Babić, Stephanie Kurtzuba and Jess Gabor

May 26, 2023

by Carla Hay

Mark Hamill and Bert Kreischer in “The Machine” (Photo by Aleksandar Letic/Screen Gems)

“The Machine” (2023)

Directed by Peter Atencio

Some language in Russian with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in Russia and in the United States, the action comedy film “The Machine” features a nearly all-white cast of characters (with a few African Americans) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: Rude and crude American comedian Bert “The Machine” Kreischer and his father are kidnapped and brought to Russia by Russian criminals, who want Bert to find a valuable watch that they claim he stole 23 years earlier, when Bert was a partying college student visiting Russia.

Culture Audience: “The Machine” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of Kreischer, but even they might find this relentlessly idiotic and dull movie very hard to take.

Iva Babić and Bert Kreischer in “The Machine” (Photo by Aleksandar Letic/Screen Gems)

Crude, boring and obnoxiously stupid, “The Machine” repeatedly misfires and malfunctions as a showcase for stand-up comedian Bert “The Machine” Kreischer, who portrays a version of himself in his first starring movie role. Kreischer is also a producer of this grossly incompetent action comedy, released by Sony Pictures Entertainment’s Screen Gems. “The Machine” might have this corporate-owned movie studio as a distributor, but this junkpile film is worse than the most amateur, low-budget independent films that you could ever see.

Directed by Peter Atencio, “The Machine” has no creativity, no style and no charm. It stumbles around in repetitive scenarios and spews out deeply unfunny “jokes” that sound like ideas that would be rejected at low-rent comedy clubs. Kevin Biegel and Scotty Landes wrote the putrid screenplay for “The Machine,” which is proof that if you throw enough money around, untalented garbage can be made into a terrible movie. “The Machine” also has very unimaginative stereotypes of Russian mobsters. These lazy clichés quickly become tiresome.

“The Machine” doesn’t have much of a plot. The movie’s opening scene shows a Russian mobster boss named Igor (played by Nikola Djuricko) watching controversial stand-up comedian Bert Kreischer (whose persona is being a politically incorrect, drinking-and-drugging blowhard) doing a stand-up routine on TV. Igor becomes incensed and yells at the screen: “I want what you stole, Machine!” The enraged gangster than destroys the TV by shooting a gun at it.

A sloppily filmed montage near the beginning of the movie shows that Bert is having a meltdown in his career and in his personal life. Bert almost got his teenage daughter Sasha (played by Jess Gabor) arrested for something that was actually his fault. He’s such a terrible father, he livestreamed Sasha getting detained by police. As a result of the backlash, Bert took a hiatus from social media and cancelled his comedy tour.

Bert is smug and defiant during a family therapy session in the office of their therapist (played by Brian Caspe), who looks like he would rather be anywhere else but forced to be in a room with this lunkhead. Also in the therapy session are Bert’s long-suffering wife LeeAnn (played by Stephanie Kurtzuba), their obedient tween daughter Tatiana (played by Amelie Child Villiers) and a sulking Sasha. Bert congratulates himself for not calling anyone in the room the “c” word (as in “cunt”), even if he thinks they deserve to be called that word.

Back at home, Bert continues to heap praise on himself, by bragging to his family that he hasn’t done anything publicly embarrassing in three months. What does he want? A medal? Kreischer is married with two daughters in real life. This stinker of a movie is surely going to be an embarrassment for the entire family. Kreischer’s real-life wife (who really does have the name LeeAnn Kreischer) is also one of the producers of “The Machine,” which means she got suckered into sinking some of her own money into this irredeemable flop.

Bert wants to look like he’s sorry for what he’s done to Sasha, so he throws a big 16th birthday party for her at the family home. The problem is that party isn’t really about Sasha. It’s about Bert showing off. Sasha doesn’t even know most of the people whom Bert invited to the party. It just leads to Sasha having more resentment for her selfish father. To put on a façade that he’s “cleaned up his act,” Bert decided not have any alcohol served at the party, which is attended mostly by adults.

Here’s an example of the rotten “comedy” in “The Machine”: One of the party guests is a family friend named Madison (played by Tea Wagner), who is in the process of getting a divorce. Madison asks Bert in an annoyed voice about the lack of alcohol at the party: “No booze?” Bert replies, “Hey, Madison: No husband?” And then, he mutters underneath his breath: “Fucking bitch.”

Soon, it will be Bert’s turn to get annoyed, when his estranged father Albert Kreischer (played by Mark Hamill) shows up unannounced at the party. Bert is bitter because he thinks Albert has been an inattentive father for most of Bert’s life. Albert, who lives in Florida, owns a carpet company called Kreischer Karpets. Albert thinks that Bert’s career as a comedian is probably over, so he offers Bert a job at the carpet company. It’s an offer that Bert abruptly refuses.

There’s another uninvited guest who shows up at the party. She’s a Russian mob enforcer named Irina (played by Iva Babić, in a very campy performance), who works for Igor. Irina tells Bert that she’s there to get a pocket watch that Bert stole on a train 23 years ago, when he was a 25-year-old college student visiting Russia on a school trip. Bert denies knowing anything about this pocket watch.

However, Bert and Albert get kidnapped by Irina and her goons anyway and are taken by private plane to Russia. (“The Machine” was actually filmed in Serbia.) Irina says that while Bert is in Russia, his daughters will be under surveillance by some of her cronies. Irina warns Bert that if he doesn’t do what he’s told, then his daughters will be harmed. Irina’s cronies are mostly forgettable and generic, except for Irina’s bodyguard: a hulking dolt named Sponge (played by Martyn Ford), who immediately clashes with Bert.

The rest of “The Machine” is nothing but a slog of dimwitted dialogue and fake-looking fight scenes. There are some tedious flashbacks showing college-age Bert (played by Jimmy Tatro) and his shenanigans in Russia. In the flashbacks, there’s a useless subplot involving Bert treating his classmate Ashley (played by Rita Bernard-Shaw), who’s a potential love interest for Bert, like a subservient maid. It’s not a good look, considering Ashley is the only non-white character who has a speaking role in the movie. (Rachel Momcilov portrays the present-day Ashley.)

Kreischer is utterly cringeworthy as an actor and has no charisma on screen. All of the movie’s other performances range from mediocre to unwatchable. Hamill often looks like he regrets signing up for this cesspool of a movie, and he puts no credible effort in his performance. How did he end up in this tacky mess? Did the “Star Wars” franchise not pay Hamill enough money?

There’s no other way to put it: “The Machine” is a complete failure in every single way. It’s yet another example of how being a famous stand-up comedian doesn’t automatically mean that the comedian has what it takes to be a movie star. “The Machine” should have been put out of commission before it was even made.

Screen Gems released “The Machine” in U.S. cinemas on May 26, 2023.

Review: ‘IB 71,’ starring Vidyut Jammwal, Vishal Jethwa, Faizan Khan and Anupam Kher

May 23, 2023

by Carla Hay

“IB 71”

Directed by Sankalp Reddy

Hindi with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in 1971, in India and Pakistan, the action film “IB 71” features an all-Asian cast of characters representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: A heroic Intelligence Bureau (IB) agent in India gets involved in saving an airplane hijacked by Kashmir terrorists and thwarting an airspace attack from a Kashmiri militant.

Culture Audience: “IB 71” will appeal primarily to people who are interested in watching a very fabricated and ludicrous story about the real-life Indo-Pakistani War of 1971.

Vishal Jethwa in “IB 71” (Photo courtesy of Reliance Entertainment)

Even by low standards of how ridiculous action movies can be, IB 71 mishandles its depiction of real-life espionage events in 1971. If you believe this movie, then you have to believe one IB agent has a superhero level of fight skills and defense plans. It’s a 117-minute movie that barely has enough substance for a seven-minute film. Most of “IB 71” looks like a sloppy combination of revisionist history and pandering fantasies about what led up to the real-life Indo-Pakistani War of 1971.

Written and directed by Sankalp Reddy, “IB 71” (which is set in 1971) is yet another loud and bloated action film that quickly becomes repetitive because it doesn’t have much to say that’s interesting and just wants to show people fighting and yelling at each other. The Intelligence Bureau (IB) agent “hero” from India is named Dev Jammwal (played by Vidyut Jammwal), who has the personality of a spent bullet, but viewers are supposed to believe he’s extraordinary in how he can single-handedly avert an international crisis. The movie’s scenes go back and forth between India and Pakistan.

An early scene in the movie shows Dev at the Ministry of Defense headquarters in Delhi, India. Dev tells officials that the prison camps in India have had at least 10 runaways recently. Dev’s boss is N.S. Avasti (played by Anupam Kher), who is told that the Pakistanis are too busy kiling each other to be much of a threat to India. Dev has a sidekick IB partner named Sangram (played by Suvrat), who is as generic as generic can be.

Meanwhile, the IB is investigating Maqbool Bhat, a Kashmiri separatist, who is said to be planning some type of air raid in 10 days, with China being involved. (China has been helping guard East Pakistan.) N.S. Avasti and other IB officials are told that Maqbool Bhat only cares about gaining control in Kashmir, not India or Pakistan. And so begins the countdown for Dev to figure out what to do about this likely raid.

The movie then gets caught up in Dev being the hero for an airplane hijacking committed by two Kashmiri separatists who are followers of Maqbool Bhat, the leader of the National Liberation Front. The hijackers have taken a small plane (with about 20 to 25 passengers) hostage because they want 36 imprisoned National Liberation Front members to be set free from their prisons in India. These bumbling terrorists don’t know at the time of the hijacking that the airplane pilot is an IB agent named Dev Jammwal.

The hijackers are cousins Qasim Qureshi (played by Vishal Jethwa) and Ashfaq Qureshi (played by Faizan Khan), who make a lot of stupid mistakes. Qasim is the younger cousin. He looks like he’s barely out of high school. And he tries to make up for his youth and inexperience with arrogance and having a bad temper. Qasim gets very angry if anyone acts like he’s too young to be a leader. Ashfaq is a dimwitted follower who doesn’t really question what Qasim says or does.

“IB 71” just becomes a back-and-forth convoluted slog of Dev handling the hijacking and the countdown to the planned air raid, as if he’s the only person in charge of the IB. Everything about “IB 71” looks fake and ill-conceived. There’s really no point in watching bombastic junk like this unless you want to see terrible acting in a soulless and idiotic action film.

Reliance Entertainment released “IB 71” in select U.S. cinemas and in India on May 12, 2023.

Review: ‘Afwaah,’ starring Nawazuddin Siddiqui, Bhumi Pednekar, Sumeet Vyas and Sharib Hashmi

May 21, 2023

by Carla Hay

“Afwaah”

Directed by Sudhir Mishra

Hindi with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in India, the action film “Afwaah” features an all-Indian cast of characters representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: An advertising professional becomes unwittingly involved in deadly political corruption when he agrees to help a political socialite go into hiding.

Culture Audience: “Afwaah” will appeal primarily to people who like watching action-oriented movies about dangerous political feuds and how social media gossip can easily spread to mainstream media.

Sumit Kaul and Sumeet Vyas in “Afwaah” (Photo courtesy of Reliance Entertainment)

“Afwaah” is a flawed political thriller that has enough suspenseful and well-acted moments that outweigh the movie’s shortcomings. The movie has pointed observations about how social media can be used as a way to manipulate mainstream news media. “Afwaah” (which means “rumor” in Hindi) is less skilled at showing realism in this story about two people hiding out from kidnappers and assassins.

Directed by Sudhir Mishra (who co-wrote the “Afwaah” screenplay with Nisarg Mehta and Shiva Bajpai), “Afwaah” is also a story about how two people from different worlds can become unlikely allies under certain circumstances. The two people whose worlds collide in “Afwaah” (which takes place in India) are advertising professional Rahab Ahmed (played by Nawazuddin Siddiqui) and political socialite Nivedita “Nivi” Singh (played by Bhumi Pednekar), who ends up going into hiding together.

Rahab, who is Muslim, is a well-respected expert in his profession. He often gives motivational and charismatic speeches to large audiences. Rahab comes from a working-class background (his father was a carpenter) and has been able to elevate his social status from his parents, by getting a college education and earning a high ranking in the advertising profession.

Nivi, who is Hindu, grew up in wealth and privilege. Her father is Chandan Singh (played by Sharib Hashmi), who is the leader of a political party. Nivi works with her father and is expected to spend her life in politics. She is engaged to an ambitious politician named Vicky (played by Sumeet Vyas), who is likely to be named the deputy of the political party because of he will be the future son-in-law of Chandan.

But as is always the case in politics, there are power struggles. Some backstabbing plans have been set in motion by police inspector Sandeep Tomar (played by Sumit Kaul) and Vicky, who are is secretly plotting to have Chandan assassinated. Sandeep tells Vicky that Chandan has to die because Chandan has “grown a conscience.”

The assassination plot comes soon after Vicky and three of hs cronies were caught on video beating up some political protestors. The video goes viral. Nivi is alarmed and starts to doubt that Vicky has the type of ethics and character that she wants in a husband. Vicky brushes off her concerns and tries to convince her that the viral video is not work making a fuss over, and people will eventually forget about the video.

The relationship between Vicky and Nivi begins to deteriorate. Knowing that Nivi can influence what Chandan thinks, Vicky secretly wants Chandan out of the way so that Vicky will take over the political party. And then, Nivi finds out that she’s in danger too.

One night, Nivi is out by herself in an open marketplace area. A man suddenly starts to harass her. And then more men show up and surround Nivi, who is no pushover. It’s a kidnapping attempt, and Nivi fights back with kicks and punches.

Rahab happens to be driving his car though this area the same time, and he witnesses this attack. A frantic Nivi runs up to Rahab’s car, opens the door, and tells him to drive away. The kidnappers chase after them on motorbikes, but Rahab is able to lose them by driving down in an alley. Unfortunately, the car crashes.

The rest of “Afwaah” is a tension-filled journey, as Rahab and Nivi go into hiding. Soon after they meet under these stressful circumstances, Nivi tells Rahab who she is and that she doesn’t want to marry Vicky. “He’s lost his mind since the new alliance,” says Nivi. “He’s become nothing but a power-hungry bigot.”

When Vicky finds out that the kidnapping attempt failed and some people on the street took videos of the incident, Vicky takes the advice of a computer hacker named Bobby (played by Appurv Gupta) to twist the story into making Rahab the villain. Vicky plants a story on social media that Rahab was the real mastermind behind the kidnapping. Vicky’s cronies, who were the actual kidnappers, are praised as “heroes” who tried to save Nivi from Rahab.

This lie spreads on social media and is quickly reported as the truth by mainstream media. The lie gets even more warped with the untruth that Rahab (who is married) and Nivi ran off together to elope in a bigamy situation. The lie seems to have credibility because Nivi is still missing. Rahab then becomes the chief suspect in her disappearance.

Why doesn’t Nivi come forward and tell the truth? She’s afraid that people will believe Vicky over her. She knows that Vicky has a lot of allies in law enforcement, and she doesn’t know who to trust. Nivi and Rahab are also aware that too many people believe the lie because the media coverage has been reporting the lie as the truth.

“Afwaah” is at its best in the scenes of Nivi and Rahab together, since they have the best dialogue in the movie. All the “villains” in “Afwaah” tend to be caricatures. There’s also a somewhat unnecessary subplot involving a murder on Vicky’s property. And the movie goes into soap opera territory with a subplot about corrupt police inspector Rahab (who is married) having a secret affair with a female cop colleague named Riya Rathod (played by T.J. Bhanu), who might or might not find out how he’s involved in an assassination plot.

“Afwaah” also doesn’t do a very good job of showing certain aspects of the “fugitive” part of Nivi and Rahab going into hiding. The scenes involving Rahab’s wife Nandita (played by Eisha Chopra) have melodrama that lowers the quality of the movie. However, the performances of Siddiqui and Pednekar enliven “Afwaah” and bring credible emotional gravitas when needed.

There are plenty of movies about ruthless people trying to gain political power. What’s more interesting about “Afwaah” is how accurately it portrays media manipulation. It’s an insightful commentary on how much social media can play a role in shaping news coverage in mainstream media. If you don’t believe it, look at many mainstream news stories cite anonymous and unverified people on social media as “sources,” when that type of sourcing would not have met journalistic standards at a lot of the same media outlets in previous years. “Afwaah” is a fictional movie, but it’s also a cautionary tale of what can go on in the real world when it comes to media, politics and public images.

Reliance Entertainment released “Afwaah” in select U.S. cinemas and in India on May 5, 2023.

Review: ‘Sisu’ (2023), starring Jorma Tommila, Aksel Hennie, Jack Doolan, Mimosa Willamo and Onni Tommila

May 21, 2023

by Carla Hay

Jorma Tommila in “Sisu” (Photo by Antti Rastivo/Lionsgate)

“Sisu” (2023)

Directed by Jalmari Helander

Finnish, German and English with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in 1944 in Finland, the action film “Sisu” features an all-white cast of characters representing the working-class and middle-class during World War II.

Culture Clash: A Finnish former military commander, who has become a gold miner and a rogue vigilante, fights Nazi soldiers during World War II.

Culture Audience: “Sisu” will appeal primarily to people who are interested in war movies with “hero vigilantes” and exaggerated action that’s meant to be partially amusing.

Aksel Hennie, Jack Doolan and Onni Tommila in “Sisu” (Photo by Antti Rastivo/Lionsgate)

“Sisu” knows what it is and doesn’t try to pretend to be anything else: an adrenaline-packed, violent action film served up with plenty of self-aware campiness. Jorma Tommila’s portrayal of Aatami Korpi, the hero who fights Nazis, is a crowd-pleasing blitz. “Sisu” had its world premiere at the 2022 Toronto International Film Festival.

Written and directed by Jalmari Helander, “Sisu” (which takes place in 1944 in Finland) has a very simple plot: a loner vigilante/gold miner named Aatami Korpi (played by Jorma Tommila) gets deadly revenge on Nazis who want to steal his gold. The Nazis underestimate Aatami because he’s much older than their usual opponents. Atami is a lot tougher and more ruthless than he looks.

It’s explained in the very beginning of the movie that the word “sisu” doesn’t have a specific meaning in Finnish, but it roughly translates to a white-knuckled form of courage in desperate moments. There are many of those moments in “Sisu,” which has a lot of over-the-top violence showing one man pitted against an army of several people. Because he’s outnumbered, Aatami has to figure out ways to outsmart his enemies.

At one point in the movie, it’s revealed that Aatami used to be a commander in the Finnish Army, but he went rogue after Nazis killed his entire family during the war. After the massacre of his family, Aatmi became a vengeful person whom no one could control. Even with Aatami having military training, there are are still deliberately cartoonish depictions of how Aatami is able to defeat many of the soldiers he comes up against.

Aatami’s violent exploits have given him a somewhat mystical legendary reputation, because he has been able to avoid death in situations that could easily kill most people. Some people who know about Aatami say that Aatami might be immortal. Whether or not his immortality is true, Aatami still needs to sustain himself with money and food.

The beginning of “Sisu” shows Aatami searching for gold in a remote area. Aatami’s only companions are his Bedlington Terrier and his horse. Aatami finds a huge slab of gold and can’t believe his luck. He takes his ice pick and chops the gold into large chunks. And he plans to bring the gold to the nearest financial bank, which is 563 miles away.

While he’s making the long trek to the bank, Aatami is stopped and harassed by Nazi soldiers, who soon find out how much gold Aatami has and plan to steal it from him. Aatami makes it clear that he’s not going to let the Nazis do what they want without a gifht from him. The rest of the movie is a fierce battle of wits and brutality between Aatami and the Nazis.

There isn’t much dialogue in “Sisu,” but when there is, it is delivered with a winking tone of loud and violent action movies that don’t take themselves too seriously. Most of the Nazi villains are generic, but the standouts are the troop leader Obersturmführer Bruno Helldorf (played by Aksel Hennie); his main sidekick Wolf (played by Jack Doolan), who loyally follows commands; and a soldier named Schütze (played by Onni Tommila, Jorma Tommilla’s real-life son), who easily gets into precarious situations.

The Nazis have captured five women as prisoners of war. As already shown in the trailer for “Sisu,” these women end up escaping and become allies to Aatami. The most defiant woman in the group is Aino (played by Mimosa Willamo), who does most of the talking.

The trailer for “Sisu” reveals a lot of the movie’s most memorable action scenes, lines of dialogue and plot developments. What you see in the trailer is really what you get in the movie. If you’re intrigued by what’s in the “Sisu” trailer, and you’re in the mood for a semi-comedic World War II action movie that’s pure escapism and not meant to be realistic, then “Sisu” delivers exactly what you might expect.

Lionsgate and Stage 6 Films released “Sisu” in U.S. cinemas on April 28, 2023. The movie was released on digital and VOD on May 16, 2023. “Sisu” was released in Finland on January 27, 2023.

Review: ‘Fast X,’ starring Vin Diesel, Michelle Rodriguez, Tyrese Gibson, Chris ‘Ludacris’ Bridges, Jason Momoa, John Cena and Brie Larson

May 17, 2023

by Carla Hay

Pictured clockwise, from left: Michelle Rodriguez, Sung Kang, Nathalie Emmanuel, Vin Diesel, Leo Abelo Perry, Rita Moreno, Jordana Brewster Chris “Ludacris” Bridges (back to camera) and Tyrese Gibson (back to camera) in “Fast X” (Photo by Peter Mountain/Universal Pictures)

“Fast X”

Directed by Louis Leterrier

Culture Representation: Taking place in the United States, Brazil, the United Kingdom, Italy, Portugal, and Antarctica, the action flick “Fast X” features a racially diverse cast of characters (black, white, Latino and Asian) representing the middle-class and wealthy in law enforcement and the criminal underground.

Culture Clash: A daredevil team tries to save the world from a group of criminals led by a sadistic killer who’s avenging the death of his father.

Culture Audience: Besides appealing to fans of the “Fast and the Furious” movie franchise, “Fast X” (the 10th movie in the series) will appeal primarily to people who want to a predictable action flick with high-budget stunts and low-quality screenwriting.

Jason Momoa in “Fast X” (Photo courtesy of Universal Pictures)

“Fast X” is the cinematic equivalent of a multi-car crash pileup. It’s a huge downgrade for the franchise, which is a bloated mishmash of Oscar-winning stars and less-talented cast members saying a lot of awful dialogue while dodging guns and explosions. It’s bad enough that this franchise expects people to believe that the “heroes” don’t get wounded or killed in the way they should in these far-fetched action scenes. Now, this franchise expects viewers to believe that some of these characters can come back from the dead.

Directed by Louis Leterrier, “Fast X” (the 10th film in the “Fast and the Furious” franchise) has given up on having coherent plots and interesting characters. Everyone is just a caricature at this point. Justin Lin (who was the original director of “Fast X” but he quit due to behind-the-scenes turmoil) and Dan Mazeau wrote the atrocious screenplay for “Fast X,” which ends with a scene that will either have viewers cheering or rolling their eyes at the ludicrous “resurrection” that viewers are expected to believe.

“Fast X” has a less complicated plot than 2021’s “F9: The Fast Saga” (the ninth movie in the “Fast” series), but that just means the plot’s inanity is even more obvious. In a nutshell: “Fast X” is about the daredevil “heroes” of the franchise being framed as terrorists by a wisecracking villain named Dante (played by Jason Momoa), who likes to spead out his arms a lot, as if he’s a criminal messiah. Dante is the son of Brazilian drug lord Hernan Reyes (played by Joaquim de Almeida), who was killed during his defeat by the “Fast” heroes in 2011’s “Fast Five.” Dante acts like an unhinged and untalented stand-up comedian when he commits his mayhem, such as when he threatens to blow up the Vatican in Rome, and he smirks that he’s “going to hell,” just for making this threat.

The “Fast” hero characters are:

Dominic “Dom” Toretto (played by Vin Diesel) is the leader of the daredevil crew that started out as outlaw drag racers and now have vague duties a security/spy team hired to help out government officials and elite business people who are targets of villains who want to take over the world. Vinnie Bennett portrays a young Dom in the movie’s several flashbacks to when Dom was in his late teens.
Letty Ortiz (played by Michelle Rodriguez) is Dom’s on-again, off-again girlfriend. In “F9,” Dom and Letty are happily living together with Dom’s son Brian (played by Leo Abelo Perry), who’s about 6 or 7 years old in this movie. Brian’s mother Elena Neves (played by Elsa Pataky) was a Diplomatic Security Service agent who died in 2017’s “The Fate of the Furious.”
Mia Toretto (played by Jordana Brewster) is Dom’s loyal younger sister who goes along with whatever Dom wants. Mia is the love partner of Dom’s best friend Brian O’Conner (played by Paul Walker), who is the father of their son Jack. Walker died in real life in 2013, but Brian is supposed to be happily retired.
Roman Pearce (played by Tyrese Gibson) is a nervous and talkative member of Dom’s team. The running joke with Roman is that he’s always anxious about getting into dangerous situations. Expect Roman to scream at least twice in every “Fast” movie.
Tej Parker (played by Chris “Ludacris” Bridges) is Roman’s level-headed best friend who has skills as a mechanic and a computer technician.
Ramsey (played by Nathalie Emmanuel) is a British computer hacker who has essentially taken over from Tej as being the “computer whiz” on Dom’s team.
Han Lue (played by Sung Kang) supposedly died in 2013’s “Fast & Furious 6,” but he came back from the dead in “F9: The Fast Saga” because he “faked” his own death.

Also in the movie are Deckard Shaw (played by Jason Statham), who is a longtime nemesis of Dom’s team. Jakob Toretto (played by John Cena), Dom’s formerly estranged younger brother who was introduced in “F9: The Fast Saga,” also shows up in a way that is entirely predictable and unimaginative. Government agent Little Nobody (played by Scott Eastwood) makes a return. A generic bureaucrat named Aimes (played by Alan Richtson), has replaced Mr. Nobody as the leader of the secret Agency that works with Dom and his team. And there’s also a Brazilian street racer named Isabela (played by Daniela Melchior), who makes a brief appearance in a drag race scene that objectifies women’s bodies.

The “Fast” franchise keeps adding Oscar winners to its cast, in what seems to be a desperate attempt to bring artistic credibility to this movie series. It’s just like having master chefs serve up low-quality junk food. The food is still junk, no matter who’s serving it. The Oscar winners who are new to “Fast X” are Rita Moreno, as Dom’s unnamed grandmother (she’s called “abuelita,” a Spanish-language term of endearment for “grandmother”), and Brie Larson as Tess, a “rogue representative” who’s also the daughter of Mr. Nobody. They join Oscar winners Helen Mirren as Queenie Shaw (the mother of Deckard Shaw) and Charlize Theron as frenemy Cipher, who both make return cameos in “Fast X.”

A mid-credits scene in “Fast X” shows the return of a major “Fast” franchise character, who wasn’t killed in the series. It’s yet another attempt for the “Fast” franchise to look more interesting by adding and bringing back stars to the “Fast” movie series. At this point in the “Fast” franchise, it doesn’t matter who lives or dies, because the creative innovation in this movie series is dead.

Universal Pictures will release “Fast X” in U.S. cinemas on May 19, 2023.

Review: ‘Hypnotic’ (2023), starring Ben Affleck, Alice Braga, JD Pardo, Hala Finley, Dayo Okeniyi, Jeff Fahey, Jackie Earle Haley and William Fichtner

May 12, 2023

by Carla Hay

Ben Affleck and Alice Braga in “Hypnotic” (Photo courtesy of Hypnotic Film Holdings LLC/Ketchup Entertainment)

“Hypnotic” (2023)

Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Culture Representation: Taking place in Austin, Texas, the sci-fi action flick “Hypnotic” features a white and Latino cast of characters (with some African Americans and Asians) representing the working-class and middle-class.

Culture Clash: A police detective, who is searching for his missing 10-year-old daughter, encounters dangerous “hypnotics”: people with the ability to control other people’s minds through hypnotism.

Culture Audience: “Hypnotic” will appeal primarily to fans of star Ben Affleck, filmmaker Robert Rodriguez and convoluted sci-movies that are weak imitations of other sci-fi movies about alternate realities.

William Fitchner in “Hypnotic” (Photo courtesy of Hypnotic Film Holdings LLC/Ketchup Entertainment)

No amount of hypnotism can convince viewers with basic quality standards that “Hypnotic” is a good movie. Ben Affleck’s robotic acting makes this dull and witless sci-fi mystery even worse. One of the most irritating things about this misfire of a movie is how it contradicts and undermines the story’s world building many times with avoidable plot holes—just for the sake of adding illogical plot twists.

Directed by Robert Rodriguez (who co-wrote the abysmal “Hypnotic” screenplay with Max Borenstein), “Hypnotic” was filmed on location in Austin, Texas. The movie begins with a scene of Austin police detective Danny Rourke (played by Affleck) in a psychological therapy session in his therapist’s office. Danny is remembering a very painful experience in his life: the day his daughter Minnie disappeared while he was with her in a park.

His unnamed therapist (played by Nikki Dixon) says to Danny: “Park? That’s what you drift to, isn’t it? That park. That day. Take me back there.” A flashback to three years earlier shows 7-year-old Minnie (played by Ionie Nieves) and Danny in the park. Minnie asks Donnie to re-braid her pigtails, which have become slightly loosened. Danny tells Minnie as he touches her hair: “This is not a braid. This is a maze only your mother can solve.” Get used to this cringeworthy dialogue, because “Hypnotic” is full of it.

The flashback shows that Danny was watching Minnie play in the park when he took his eyes off of her for only a few seconds. And then she was gone. Before she disappeared, Danny remembered seeing a suspicious-looking young man lurking nearby. This suspect is 18-year-old Lyle Terry (played by Evan Vines), who was arrested on suspicion of abduction, even though there’s no evidence to tie him to the crime. Lyle has proclaimed his innocence.

Back in the therapist’s office in the present day, the therapist asks Danny if Danny thinks he needs to take a leave of absence from his job. Danny replies that work is “the only thing keeping me sane.” And where is Minnie’s mother? That information is revealed later in the movie. Minnie is now 10 years old (played by Hala Finley) and remains missing.

After leaving the therapist’s office, Danny is given a car ride by his cop partner Randy Nicks (payed by JD Pardo), who prefers to be called Nicks. Danny finds out from Nicks that two Bank of Boston branches in Texas (one bank in the city of Houston, and the other bank in Amarillo) experienced “inside job” armed robberies. The thieves didn’t steal any cash but took just one safe deposit box from each bank. As Danny and Nicks drive in their patrol car, Nicks plays a voice mail recording of a woman calling in an anonymous tip that a bank robbery is in progress at a bank in Austin. The tipster says that robbers plan to take the bank’s safe deposit box number 23.

Danny and Nicks are next seen with some colleagues outside the bank and doing a stakeout from a surveillance van. This van apparently has the surrounding area “bugged” with recording devices, because everyone in the van can hear many people’s conversations outside. On a bench outside, a man wearing a business suit sits down next to an unnamed woman (played by Bonnie Discepolo, also known as Bonnie Kathleen Ryan), who is also in a business suit.

The man, whose name is later identified as Lev Dellrayne (played by William Fitchner), looks intensely at the woman and tells her that it’s a very hot day. The woman then gets up and walks around as if she’s in a trance. She repeats out loud that the weather is so hot. And then she takes off her jacket and blouse, all while looking dazed and wandering out in the street where there’s traffic. Her wandering causes multiple car accidents.

Meanwhile, Dellrayne has gone into the bank, because this mystery man is up to no good and is about to be involved in robbing the bank. Danny leaps into action and goes into the bank too, even though his co-workers don’t want Danny to do that because they think it will disrupt their sting operation. Inside the bank, Dellryane has used hypnotic mind control of a bank teller (played by Natalie Garcia), by telling her that it’s the bank’s closing time in the late afternoon. It should come as no surprise that this bank teller is about to be an unwitting accomplice to this bank robbery.

Danny quickly convinces an unsuspecting bank manager (played by Lawrence Varnado) that Danny wants to open a safe deposit box at this branch. While in the safe deposit room, Danny manages to pickpocket the safe deposit keys from the manager without the manager knowing. The manager leaves the room to look for the keys, giving Danny enough time to open safe deposit box number 23. Inside the box, he finds a photo of Minnie, with these words written on the front of the photo: “Find Lev Dellrayne.”

The rest of “Hypnotic” shows action scenes and plot pivots that get more ridiculous as the story drones on in a stiff and awkward manner. The movie’s visual effects are nothing special. During his investigation, Danny encounters a psychic named Diana Cruz (played by Alice Braga); a technology expert/conspiracy theorist named River (played by Dayo Okeniyi); and an acquaintance of Diana’s named Jeremiah (played by Jackie Earle Haley), whose performance in the movie is a quick cameo that gets less than five minutes of screen time. And there are two people from Danny’s past named Carl (played by Jeff Fahey) and Thelma (played by Sandy Avila), who suddenly show up in one of the movie’s poorly conceived plot twists.

Affleck’s subpar acting looks like he’s bored and disinterested for most of the movie. If the lead actor looks like he doesn’t really care about giving a good performance, why should viewers care about the movie? Braga is the only principal cast member who makes a consistent effort to show some emotional range for her “Hypnotic” character. Finley is adequate but is not in the movie long enough for viewers to get to know her Minnie character. Everyone else in the cast has a role as a hollow character with no personal backstory.

“Hypnotic” could have been a mind-blowing sci-fi thriller, but instead it looks like an inferior ripoff of filmmaker Christopher Nolan’s 2010 classic “Inception.” One of the few highlights of “Hypnotic” is the gripping musical score by Rebel Rodriguez, who is one of the sons of “Hypnotic” filmmaker Robert Rodriguez. The movie is just too enamored with its bad ideas, including a mid-credits scene that’s another contradictory plot hole. This mid-credits scene hints that the “Hypnotic” filmmakers want to make a sequel, which is unlikely to happen for this muddled and misguided flop.

Ketchup Entertainment released “Hypnotic” in U.S. cinemas on May 12, 2023.

Review: ‘Money Back Guarantee’ (2023), starring Marhoom Bilal, Mirza Gohar, Shayan Khan, Kiran Malik, Mani, Jan Rambo and Mikaal Zulfiqar

April 30, 2023

by Carla Hay

Marhoom Bilal, Shayan Khan, Mikaal Zulfiqar, Kiran Malik, Jan Rambo and Mirza Gohar in “Money Back Guarantee” (Photo courtesy of Zashko Films)

“Money Back Guarantee” (2023)

Directed by Nabeel Qureshi

Urdu with subtitles

Culture Representation: Taking place in an unnamed city in Pakistan, the action comedy film “Money Back Guarantee” features a predominantly Pakistani cast (with some white people) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: Six financially desperate people conspire to commit a bank robbery, but their plans run into unexpected problems, including a power struggle between two bankers.

Culture Audience: “Money Back Guarantee” will appeal primarily to people who don’t mind watching an action comedy with a jumbled storyline and bad acting.

Mani and Shaniera Akram in “Money Back Guarantee” (Photo courtesy of Zashko Films)

“Money Back Guarantee” tries so hard to cram in several plot detours and wacky antics, it all adds up to a tangled heap of sloppy filmmaking. It’s a bizarre bank robbery caper that fumbles the comedy and the action. The story is witless, the performances are irritating, and the film editing is terrible. The movie’s mediocre Donald Trump impersonator quickly becomes a tired gimmick.

Written and directed by Faisal Qureshi, “Money Back Guarantee” (which takes place in an unnamed city in Pakistan) has a not-very-original concept of bungling amateur criminals in their quest to rob a bank. Instead of crafting a suspenseful and/or funny story, the movie gets caught up in trying to make things look weird and incoherent. Many viewers will feel completely disconnected from the story because the characters in the movie don’t act like how real human beings would act.

Six friends/acquaintances, who are having money problems and feel like they have been mistreated by society, decide to join forces and rob a powerful financial institution called Pak Bank. These would-be criminals are Munda Punjabi (played by Marhoom Bilal), Nawaz Sindhi (played by Mirza Gohar), Ilyas Kashmir (played by Shayan Khan), Sanam Baloch (played by Kiran Malik), Christian Bail (played by Jan Rambo) and Irfan Pathan (played by Mikaal Zulfiqar). They come up with various schemes to rob the bank—none of which would work in the real world.

For example, the six robbers decide to “disguise” themselves as “exterminators” and try to walk right into a bank vault together. But they don’t look like exterminators. They’re dressed entirely in black combat gear and are openly carrying guns. They look more like a tactical S.W.A.T. team. But these idiots think that because they have gas masks, they can fool people into thinking that they’re exterminators. This is what’s supposed to pass as “comedy” in this mindless movie.

Meanwhile, this robbery is being planned in the midst of a ruthless power struggle between Pak Bank president Akram (played by Wasim Akram) and a bank manager named Bux (played by Fawad Khan), who are in a campaign election against each other. Other characters in the movie include Akram’s arrogant right-hand man G.A. Muhajir (played by Mani), a somewhat ditzy reporter named Bella (played by Shaniera Akram) and Trump (played by Syed Shafaat Ali), a character who is a demanding, greedy and incompetent egomaniac in his business dealings with Pak Bank.

The movie has a lot of shouting and running around that don’t amount to anything but just dragging out the story and going off on distracting tangents. “Money Back Guarantee” also has too many stupid and over-used gags, such as characters getting lost or mistaken identities. The Trump character wears an ill-fitting blond wig and spouts a lot of corny and not-very-funny lines of dialogue.

“Money Back Guarantee” was originally supposed to be released in 2020, when Trump was president of the United States. Released in 2023, “Money Back Guarantee” just looks outdated with the Trump jokes, which don’t have as much impact in the movie, since Trump is no longer the U.S. president. The bank robbery antics and the bank executive feuding just get increasingly vapid and annoying. The entire movie is a poorly conceived mess and will test the patience of anyone who has tolerance for intentionally silly action comedies. “Money Back Guarantee” is an apt description of what viewers should get if they have the misfortune of wasting money to watch this failed attempt to be an entertaining heist movie.

Zashko Films released “Money Back Guarantee” in select U.S. cinemas and in Pakistan on April 21, 2023.