fantasy Archives – CULTURE MIX

Review: ‘Disney’s Snow White,’ starring Rachel Zegler, Andrew Burnap and Gal Gadot

March 19, 2025

by Carla Hay

Andrew Burnap and Rachel Zegler in “Disney’s Snow White” (Photo by Giles Keyte/Disney Enterprises Inc.)

Directed by Marc Webb

Culture Representation: Taking place in an unnamed magical kingdom, the fantasy musical film “Disney’s Snow White” (based on a Brothers Grimm story) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some Latin people and black people) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: Exiled princess Snow White, with the help of seven dwarves, falls in love with her future prince and battles against her evil stepmother queen, who wants to kill her.

Culture Audience: “Disney’s Snow White” will appeal mainly to people who are fans of the movies headliners, the original Brothers Grimm story, and the 1937 animated “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” but this live-action remake is too formulaic and is missing a lot of the original story’s magic.

Gal Gadot in “Disney’s Snow White” (Photo by Giles Keyte/Disney Enterprises Inc.)

Even though Rachel Zegler shines as the title character of “Disney’s Snow White,” the rest of this remake’s live-action performances are mediocre to terrible. No magical spells can erase this cash-grab film’s unconvincing visual effects and other missteps. One of the worst things about “Disney’s Snow White” is the villain is too campy (because of awkwardly hammy acting from Gal Gadot as Evil Queen), instead of being menacing and terrifying. The quality of the movie goes downhill in all of the scenes with Gadot.

Directed by Marc Webb and written by Erin Cressida Wilson, “Disney’s Snow White” is based on the 1812 German fairy title “Snow White,” written by the Brothers Grimm in the first edition of their collection “Grimms’ Fairy Tales.” In 1937, Walt Disney Pictures released “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” an animated film version of the story. Although “Disney’s Snow White” admirably doesn’t make the story an exact copy of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” some of the changes look overly contrived, including making the Seven Dwarves all animated characters instead of having these little people portrayed by live actors.

Another big change (and not for the better): The altered fate of Evil Queen at the end of the movie is not as effective in “Disney’s Show White” as her fate was at the end of “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” And for baffling and unnecessary reasons, “Disney’s Snow White” also significantly changes the story arc of one of the Seven Dwarves, in what seems to be a manipulative way to jerk some tears from audience members. And this live-action version of a classic Disney animated film has the same problem as all of the other live-action remakes that have a Disney princess: Her love interest (in this case, a good-looking prince named Jonathan, played by Andrew Burnap) is bland as bland can be.

Unlike “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” which only showed Snow White as a young adult, “Disney’s Snow White” shows Snow White’s childhood when she was about 7 or 8 years old. This backstory takes up the first 15 minutes of this 109-minute film. The movie seems to want to silence the controversies over the “ethnic” casting of Zegler (who is mixed-heritage Hispanic and white) by showing (not telling) that Zegler’s Snow White character is also biracial. In the original fairy tale, the magical kingdom where the story takes place is called Germonia. But since that name sounds too much like Germany, “Disney’s Snow White” simply gives no name to this magical kingdom.

An unseen narrator (whose identity is revealed at the end of the movie) says in a voiceover that Snow White in childhood (played by Emilia Faucher) was the only child of kind and loving parents. These parents are royalty and don’t have names in the movie. Snow White’s father was a king (played Hadley Fraser), while her mother (played by Lorena Andrea) was a queen. Snow White’s mother died suddenly for unnamed reasons. An “enchanting woman from a far-off land” (played by Gadot) then charmed the king and married him.

But this Evil Queen has sinister motives: Get rid of the king and Snow White, so the Evil Queen can be the only ruler of the kingdom. The Evil Queen lies to the king by telling him about an imminent invasion threat in the southern kingdom, so he goes away to defend his people. With the king away, the Evil Queen forces a lot of civilians to become soldiers to do her bidding. Snow White’s father has disappeared and is presumed dead.

The Evil Queen also banishes Snow White from living in the royal palace and forces Snow White to become a maid. And if you can believe it, people in the kingdom didn’t notice. Maybe they were too caught up in their own problems. Princess Snow White soon becomes mostly forgotten and presumed dead, as she toils in obscurity.

The Evil Queen has a magic mirror that talks back to her and has a shadowy face that can appear. (Patrick Page is the voice of the mirror.) The Evil Queen asks the mirror, “Who’s the fairest of them all?” to fish for compliments that the Evil Queen is the most beautiful female in the kingdom. The mirror tells the Evil Queen that she is the fairest,

“Disney’s Snow White” changes the “meet cute” moment for young adult Snow White and her future prince, but that doesn’t mean it’s an improvement for the romance part of the story. There is more chemistry between Evil Queen and her mirror, compared to the lack of sizzle for would-be couple Snow White and Jonathan. In the movie, Jonathan isn’t a royal. He’s a commoner who meets Snow White when she catches him stealing potatoes because he says he’s hungry. The Evil Queen finds out about the theft and orders Jonathan to be tied to an outside gate as punishment. Guess who comes to the rescue and frees Jonathan?

One day, the magic mirror tells Evil Queen that Snow White is the “fairest of them all.” This statement enrages the Evil Queen, who orders an unnamed huntsman (played by Ansu Kabia) to find and murder Snow White, who has run away to the Enchanted Forest. The Seven Dwarves, who are diamond miners, live together in a small house in this forest. One day, when the dwarves are away at work, Snow White ends up at the house and falls asleep in one of the beds.

Doc (voiced by Jeremy Swift) is the leader of the dwarves. The other dwarves have names that are supposed to be descriptions of their personalities: Happy (voiced by George Salazar), Bashful (voiced by Tituss Burgess), Grumpy (voiced by Martin Klebba), Sleepy (voiced by Andy Grotelueschen), Sneezy (voiced by Jason Kravits) and Dopey (voiced by Andrew Barth Feldman). Dopey is the physically smallest dwarf and is non-verbal.

Dopey is teased and bullied by some of the other dwarfs for being the misfit of the group. In “Disney’s Snow White,” Dopey is sweet-natured and is supposed to be very misunderstood, in terms of his intelligence. In this respect, “Disney’s Snow White” improves from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.” The 1937 “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves” movie has a way of demeaning a non-verbal person that would be considered problematic if that movie were released today.

“Disney’s Snow White” has some fairly good musical numbers, with original songs written for the movie by Oscar-winning “La La Land” songwriters Benj Pasek and Justin Paul. “Waiting on a Wish” is the obvious Oscar-bait song from “Disney’s Snow White.” Zegler’s skillful vocal talent is undoubtedly one of the highlights of “Disney’s Snow White,” as she is the cast member who is best able to infuse heartfelt emotions in her singing. (The less said about Gadot’s singing, the better.) As for songs carried over from the original “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,” the classic tunes “Heigh-Ho” and “Whistle While You Work” get competent cover versions in “Disney’s Snow White.”

The old-fashioned and patriarchal song “Someday My Prince Will Come” (from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarves”) is removed from “Disney’s Snow White” and replaced by new and original songs where Snow White expresses more independence—just to let the audience know that her life doesn’t revolve around finding a man to take care of her. It all sounds very feminist-forward, but it’s just performative feminism. The big rescue scene in the movie’s climax still has the story’s Prince Charming (in this case, Jonathan) being the reason why the movie ends the way that it does.

The movie’s large budget is certainly seen in the impressive production design. Viewers who like watching cute animated animals will find a lot to like in “Disney’s Snow White,” which has an overload of adorable creatures (birds, squirrels and deer) who befriend Snow White and tag along during her journey. However, the movie never lets you forget that these animals are “too adorable to be true” visual effects, making these effects look forced and fake instead of looking believably natural in this fantasy world. “Disney’s Snow White” is missing a great deal of magic that the original story had. And that magic is undeniable charisma for all the characters that need it.

Walt Disney Pictures will release “Disney’s Snow White” in U.S. cinemas on March 21, 2025.

Review: ‘Kraven the Hunter,’ starring Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ariana DeBose, Fred Hechinger, Alessandro Nivola, Christopher Abbott and Russell Crowe

December 11, 2024

by Carla Hay

“Kraven the Hunter”

Directed by J.C. Chandor

Culture Representation: Taking place in Europe, the United States and Africa, the superhero action film “Kraven the Hunter” (based on Marvel Comic characters) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some black people and Asians) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: The estranged son of a Russian crime boss becomes a superhero with lion-like abilities, and he is called on to rescue his kidnapped younger brother.

Culture Audience: “Kraven the Hunter” will appeal mainly to people who are fans of movies based on comic books, the movie’s headliners and action movies that are empty spectacles.

Alessandro Nivola and Christopher Abbott in “Kraven the Hunter” (Photo by Jay Maidment/Columbia Pictures)

The misfire “Kraven the Hunter” has a lion-inspired superhero and wildlife protection themes, so it’s ironic that this mind-numbing film acts like a drugged lion trapped in a cage. It stumbles repeatedly and is barely coherent. “Kraven the Hunter” is yet another example of a comic book adaptation that had a big budget but a small imagination. Adding to this fiasco is the fact that the principal cast members are very talented, but even they seem bored and/or unconvincing when they utter their awful dialogue in the movie.

Directed by J.C. Chandor, “Kraven the Hunter” is based on Marvel Comics characters. Richard Wenk, Art Marcum and Matt Holloway co-wrote the dismally dull screenplay. “Kraven the Hunter” takes all the worst clichés of superhero origin movies and crams them into a soulless movie where the characters have about as much personality as cardboard cutouts. What’s even more embarrassing for “Kraven the Hunter” is the fact that two Oscar winners are among the principal cast members of this atrocious movie.

“Kraven the Hunter”—which clocks in at 127 minutes, but this monotonous movie feels longer than that—is another superhero movie where the superhero has “daddy issues,” either because his father is dead or emotionally distant. The movie takes entirely too long (more than 20 minutes) showing a repetitive childhood backstory about how Sergei Kravinoff (played by Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who renames himself Kraven the Hunter, becomes estranged from his father Nikolai Kravinoff (played by Russell Crowe, the Oscar-winning actor of 2000’s “Gladiator”), who is a wealthy and ruthless crime lord in Russia.

Flashbacks show teenage Sergei (played by Levi Miller) was considered the “brave” son, compared to Sergei’s more sensitive younger brother Dmitri (played by Billy Barratt), who was considered the “cowardly” son by their father Nikolai. The mother of Sergei and Dmitri committed suicide when the boys were teenagers. A scene in the movie shows Nikolai abruptly taking Dmitri and Sergei to Africa for a hunting trip so he can teach them predatory skills.

During this hunting trip, a lion attacks Sergei, who freezes when he had a chance to shoot the lion. Nikolai doesn’t hesitate to shoot the lion but he’s not able to kill it right away. The lion runs away and carries a severely wounded Sergei in its mouth. A drop of the lion’s blood enters one of Sergei’s wounds. (And you know what that means in a superhero movie.)

The lion leaves Sergei to die in a grassy area. But lo and behlod, here comes a teenager named Calypso Ezili (played by Diaana Babnicova), whose tarot-reading sorceress grandmother (played by Susan Aderin) just happened to have given her a magical potion that can heal severe wounds. Calypso applies the potion to Sergei, who ends up in a hospital, where he is told he was dead for three minutes but made a miraculous recovery. Calypso left behind the tarot card for Strength, which Sergei keeps with him for years.

Teenage Sergei soon finds out that he has the same physical abilities as a lion. Expect to see multiple scenes of Sergei climbing trees like a big cat, having acute vision, and extraordinary skills at maiming. As a young adult, Sergei gets fed up with living with Nikolai, so he leaves home and says a sad goodbye to Dmitri (played by Fred Hechinger), who loves Sergei but is somewhat resentful of him because Dmitri knows that Nikolai prefers Sergei.

Dmitri has an exceptional talent of mimicking people and things. He works as a singer/pianist at a nightclub, where the movie has a comically bizarre scene of Dmitri singing Black Sabbath’s 1972 ballad “Changes.” And if you know enough about the Kraven stories Marvel Comics, then you can easily guess why Dmitri has these uncanny mimicry skills.

Sergei, now known as Kraven, makes a home for himself in the forests of Russia. He has reunited with an adult Calypso (played by Ariana DeBose, the Oscar-winning actress of the 2021 remake of “West Side Story”), who works as an attorney and occasionally pilots a helicopter whenever Kraven needs help getting out of a bad situation. Kraven gets pulled back into his estranged family’s orbit when Dmitri is kidnapped.

The two main villains in the movie are Aleksei Sytsevich, also known as the Rhino (played by Alessandro Nivola) and a mysterious operative named the Foreigner (played by Christopher Abbott), who forms an alliance with the Rhino. Nikolai could be considered another villain. Greedy poachers are other villains in the movie. The Rhino is someone who wants revenge on Nikolai because Nikolai humiliated and rejected him to become part of Nikolai’s inner crime circle. The villains in this movie aren’t very menacing and are almost like cartoon characters.

“Kraven the Hunter” also falls short of having thrilling action scenes, which all seem utterly generic. There is much more bloody violence in “Kraven the Hunter” than in the average superhero movie, but that doesn’t give the film any interesting edginess. The acting performances in the movie are quite stiff and often awkward. And the visual effects are mediocre and often look took fake. “Kraven the Hunter” won’t be considered the worst superhero movie ever, but this disappointing dud proves that this Kraven origin story does not deserve a franchise of several movies in a series.

Columbia Pictures will release “Kraven the Hunter” in U.S. cinemas on December 13, 2024.

Review: ‘Red One’ (2024), starring Dwayne Johnson, Chris Evans, Lucy Liu and J.K. Simmons

November 12, 2024

by Carla Hay

Dwayne Johnson and Chris Evans in “Red One” (Photo by Karen Neal/Amazon Content Services)

“Red One” (2024)

Directed by Jake Kasdan

Culture Representation: Taking place in the United States and in the fictional North Pole, the sci-fi/fantasy/action film “Red One” features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some African Americans and Asians) and fictional creatures representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: A rebellious bounty hunter/computer hacker and Santa Claus’ uptight security chief meet each other and team up to find and rescue Santa Claus, who has been kidnapped.

Culture Audience: “Red One” will appeal mainly to people who are fans of the movie’s headliners and Christmas-themed movies that are loud, hyperactive and silly.

Kristofer Hivju and Dwayne Johnson in “Red One” (Photo by Frank Masi/Amazon Content Services)

The Christmas action comedy “Red One” is the equivalent of Santa Claus delivering an avalanche of coal. The incoherent plot is about rescuing a kidnapped Santa, but viewers will feel like the ones being taken hostage by this unfunny and bloated abomination. It’s the type of big-budget movie that looks like it came from a low-rent concept for a video game with product placements.

Directed by Jake Kasdan and written by Chris Morgan, “Red One” lurches from scene to scene, often by explaining what’s going on in a sloppy and hyperactive way. There is no character in this movie that has an emotional range that goes beyond (1) inflicting chaos or (2) reacting to the chaos inflicted. There’s some half-hearted preaching about adults keeping their inner child alive during the Christmas holidays, but it all comes across as tacked-on sentimentality.

Product placements and visual effects are the main priorities for “Red One,” which has a story that’s overstuffed with stupid distractions and moronic dialogue. The movie clumsily begins with a scene showing future bounty hunter Jack O’Malley as a kid (played by Wyatt Hunt), who’s about 8 or 9 years old and has an enthusiasm for using the Internet. Jack doesn’t really believe in Santa Claus, even though Jack’s Uncle Rick (played by Marc Evan Jackson) tells Jack that Santa Claus really exists. It’s mentioned that Rick is a father figure in Jack’s life because Jack’s biological father abandoned Jack and Jack’s mother.

Thirty years later, Jack (played by Chris Evans) is a bounty hunter and an elusive hacker on the Dark Web, where he has the nickname The Wolf. Jack is a freewheeling bachelor with commitment issues. It’s one of the main reasons why he’s been a flaky and frequently absentee father to his son Dylan (played by Wesley Kimmel), who’s about 13 or 14 years old.

Dylan lives with his mother Olivia (played by Mary Elizabeth Ellis), a medical doctor who is currently married to a husband who is not named or seen in the movie. It’s implied that Jack and Olivia were never married, never lived together, and never even had a committed relationship, but they decided to co-parent Dylan. So far, self-absorbed Jack has been failing miserably at being a responsible parent.

Meanwhile, Santa Claus (played by J.K. Simmons), also known as Nicholas or Nick, has been dutifully making an appearance at a shopping mall to meet children who tell him what they want for Christmas. This Santa Claus is not a traditional jolly and plump Santa. The Santa in “Red One” lifts weights for physical workouts and has an attitude of a cynically wise grandfather who knows what he has to say to make kids happy, even if he really doesn’t mean it.

Santa Claus’ security chief is Callum “Cal” Drift (played by Dwayne Johnson), a muscular and stern protector who has been working with Santa Claus for the last 542 years. (Johnson is also one of the producers of “Red One.”) Callum has recently given his resignation to Santa Claus because Callum believes that things have gotten worse in the world and there are more naughty people than nice people. Callum says he can also no longer see the inner children in adults. Christmas no longer makes him happy but has made him sad for this reason.

This is the type of abysmal dialogue that’s in “Red One.” In a scene where Callum and Santa discuss Callum’s impending exit from the job, Santa Claus says about the world’s people: “They need us now more than ever.” Callum responds: “You need someone younger.”

Santa comments, “We don’t need to change them. They need to change themselves. We work for the kids, Cal—even when they’re not kids anymore.” Santa adds, “Let’s have a cookie.” Callum replies, “The answer to everything.”

Santa is obviously disappointed that he is losing Callum, but Callum has made up his mind that he wants to retire from this line of work. Callum works for the Mythological Oversight and Restoration Authority (MORA), a secretive security corporation where he reports to Zoe Harlow (played by Lucy Liu), a no-nonsense supervisor. MORA looks out for mythological beings and protects them at all costs. Santa Claus’ code name with MORA is Red One.

Jack was hired by an anonymous entity to hack into a computer system. Unbeknownst to Jack, this hacking exposed the secret location of Santa Claus on the North Pole to the entity that hired Jack. Santa Claus is then kidnapped from his home on the North Pole. MORA finds out that Jack was indirectly responsible for this kidnapping, so Callum is dispatched to force Jack to help Callum find Santa Claus.

If you’re already rolling your eyes at the description of this plot, “Red One” gets even worse as it goes along. Other characters who are part of the story are Krampus (played by Kristofer Hivju), the horned mythological creature who punishes naughty children; a Christmas witch named Gryla (played by Kiernan Shipka); and a sleazy business jerk named Ted (played by Nick Kroll), who is tracked down by Jack and Callum on a Hawaiian beach. It’s all just an excuse for “Red One” to be filmed partially in Hawaii, where the movie filmed on the island of Oahu.

In “Red One,” Krampus is supposed to be Santa’s brother, with no explanation for why human Santa and non-human Krampus could be related. Krampus is also an ex-lover of Gryla, who is described as a “900-year-old ogre with 13 sons who work at her command.” The scenes with Krampus are some of the worst in this already bad movie, which didn’t need the Krampus character at all.

The visual effects in “Red One” also include life-sized villain snowmen that are about as exciting as watching snow melt. There’s a North Pole security team called ELF (an acronym for enforcement, logistics and fortification) that includes a talking polar bear named Agent Garcia (voiced by Reinaldo Faberlle), another character that didn’t need to be in this movie. There are also humanoid robots that show up with no real explanation of their origin. And, of course, there are Santa’s reindeer, who have no names and no personalities.

Jack and Callum go through the usual formulaic motions of two characters with opposite personalities who must learn to work together for a common goal. The expected bickering and wisecracking banter ensue. And almost all of it in “Red One” fails to be funny or entertaining. Johnson and Evans have played these types of roles in many other movies. There’s nothing new to see here in their mediocre performances in “Red One.”

Except for Gryla, female characters in “Red One” are merely sidelined observers of most of the action. “Red One” mainly has Mrs. Claus (played by Bonnie Hunt) in a small role as the worried wife at home who bakes cookies. Hunt’s considerable comedic talent is wasted in this movie, which relegates her to a shallow and almost useless role. Zoe is Callum’s boss, but Callum gets to make the biggest and boldest moves. Shipka looks like she’s having fun playing a villain, but this villain’s personality is restricted to being one-dimensional stereotype.

“Red One” tries to juggle many different subplots like a juggler who ends up dropping too many things thrown in the air. There might be enough in “Red One” to satisfy viewers looking for some fantasy genre visual effects, but the movie’s main characters and story are extremely derivative and fail to be interesting. “Red One” is just an unimaginative mush of ideas using the same formula as comedic movies about buddy cops with clashing personalities. “Red One” is also a shameless showcase of what people dislike the most about the crass commercialism of Christmas.

Amazon MGM Studios will release “Red One” in U.S. cinemas on November 15, 2024. A sneak preview of the movie was shown in U.S. cinemas on November 10, 2024. Prime Video will premiere the movie on December 12, 2024.

Review: ‘My Old Ass,’ starring Maisy Stella, Percy Hynes White, Maddie Ziegler, Kerrice Brooks and Aubrey Plaza

September 13, 2024

by Carla Hay

“My Old Ass”

Directed by Megan Park

Culture Representation: Taking place in the Muskoka Lakes area of Canada’s Ontario province, the comedy/drama film “My Old Ass” features a predominantly white group of people (with a few black people) representing the working-class and middle-class.

Culture Clash: In the summer before she goes away to college, a restless teen takes psychedelic mushrooms on her 18-year-old birthday and meets her 39-year-old self, who gives her some advice that the teen is reluctant to take.

Culture Audience: “My Old Ass” will appeal mainly to people who are fans of the movie’s headliners and well-acted stories about growing pains in young adulthood.

Kerrice Brooks, Maisy Stella, and Maddie Ziegler in “My Old Ass” (Photo courtesy of Amazon Content Services)

“My Old Ass” capably blends comedy, drama and fantasy in this sarcastically sweet coming-of-age story about an 18-year-old communicating with a manifestation of her 39-year-old self. Maisy Stella gives a standout performance as a teen on an identity quest. The movie isn’t for everyone but it will find appeal with open-minded people who aren’t offended by how obscene cursing, casual sex and illegal drug use are presented as part of a teenager’s life.

Written and directed by Megan Park, “My Old Ass” had its world premiere at the 2024 Sundance Film Festival. The tone of the movie is much lighter than 2022’s “The Fallout,” Park’s feature-film directorial debut about teenagers dealing with the aftermath of a mass-murder shooting at their school. Park has a knack for casting very talented people in the roles that are right for them because they inhabit their roles in authentic ways. “My Old Ass” is Stella’s impressive feature-film debut after having roles in television, such as the TV series “Nashville.”

“My Old Ass” takes place during a summer in an unnamed city in the Muskoka Lakes area of Ontario, Canada, where the movie was filmed on location. Main character Elliott (played by Stella) lives on a cranberry farm owned by her parents Tom (played by Al Goulem) and Kathy (played by Maria Dizzia), who are very loving and supportive of each other and their three children. Elliott is the middle child.

Elliott’s older brother Max (played by Seth Isaac Johnson) is about 19 or 20. He has chosen to be in the family business of cranberry farming. Max and Elliott have an emotionally distant relationship because they are almost polar opposites of each other. Max is introverted and straight-laced. At one point in the movie, Max says to Elliott: “I’m everything you hate. I like farming. I like sports. I hate [the TV series] ‘Euphoria.'”

The younger brother of Max and Elliott is Spencer (played by Carter Trozzolo), who is about 10 or 11 years old. Carter is nice but doesn’t have much of a personality. Elliott definitely likes Spencer more than she likes Max. Still, Elliott doesn’t really hang out with her brothers very much. Elliott also tells anyone who will listen that she can’t wait to move away from this cranberry farm and live her life in the big city of Toronto. In the meantime, Elliott spends a lot of time cruising on a motorboat in a lake.

In the beginning of the movie, Elliott will be leaving in 22 days for her freshman year at the University of Toronto. Also in the beginning of the movie, Elliott identifies as a lesbian, but that will change when she falls for a guy about a year or two older than she is. Elliott has a flirtation with a teenage woman named Chelsea (played by Alexandria Rivera), who’s about the same age, and the flirtation turns into a sexual fling.

Elliott’s two best friends are also free spirits: Ruthie (played by Maddie Ziegler) is tactful and a romantic at heart. Ro (played by Kerrice Brooks) is more outspoken and pragmatic. For Elliott’s 18th birthday, the three pals plan to go camping overnight in the woods and take psychedelic mushrooms that were purchased by Ro. Elliott doesn’t bother to tell her family about these camping plans, so there’s a scene of Elliott’s family waiting forlornly at their dining table with a birthday cake that Elliott never sees on her birthday.

While high on the mushrooms, Elliott is near a campfire when she suddenly sees a woman (played by Aubrey Plaza) sitting next to her. The woman says that she is Elliott at 39 years old. Elliott doesn’t believe her at first until the woman shows Elliott that she has the same torso scar that Elliott got from a childhood accident. Both of the Elliotts have some back-and-forth banter—younger Elliott thinks 39 is middle-aged, while older Elliott thinks 39 is still a young age—and trade some snide quips about what the future holds for Elliott.

The older Elliott will only reveal that she is a Ph. D. student in Toronto and is dating a woman. Younger Elliott asks older Elliott for life advice. Older Elliott tells younger Elliott to be nicer to her family and not take them for granted. Younger Elliott also asks older Elliott what her definition is of healthy love. Older Elliott says that healthy love is safety and freedom at the same time. After some of the jokes and semi-insults, older Elliott gets serious and gives younger Elliott a dire warning to not have sex with someone named Chad, but older Elliott won’t say why. It’s a warning that confuses and haunts younger Elliott for most of the movie.

Elliott goes home after the camping trip and thinks older Elliott was just a hallucination until she sees that older Elliott had put her phone number in younger Elliott’s phone. Not long after this psychedelic experience, Elliott is skinny dipping in a lake when has a “meet cute” experience with a guy named Chad (played by Percy Hynes White), who’s also in the lake for a swim. It turns out that Chad is an undergrad college student who is working at the farm for the summer. He has plans to eventually get a master’s degree in pharmacology.

“My Old Ass” then becomes mostly about Elliott trying to navigate and understand her growing feelings for Chad, who is intelligent, funny and kind. Elliott is confused not only because her older self told her to stay away from Chad but also because Elliott had always assumed that she would only be sexually attracted to women. Chad is clearly attracted to Elliott too, but she is very reluctant to get involved with Chad.

“My Old Ass” has a lot of familiar “will they or won’t they” scenes in movies about two people who are romantically attracted to each other, but one person is hesitant to act on these feelings. The movie has some quirky comedy, including another hallucinogenic experience involving Justin Bieber’s 2009 hit “One Less Lonely Girl.” All of the principal cast members are utterly believable in their roles and have great comedic timing in the performances.

What might surprise viewers and is perhaps somewhat disappointing is that the older Elliott isn’t in the movie as much as the trailer for “My Old Ass” would lead people to believe. In fact, there’s a great deal of the movie where younger Elliott is frantic and frustrated because older Elliott won’t return younger Elliott’s phone calls. There are also huge parts of the movie where Elliott’s best friends Ruthie and Ro aren’t seen at all.

“My Old Ass” has themes that are timeless, but a lot of the movie’s jargon and pop culture references are very mid-2020s and already kind of outdated. Some of the dialogue sounds forced, like an adult’s idea of what a progressive-minded, motormouthed teen (Elliott) would sound like when it just sounds like movie dialogue, not real-life dialogue. These are small flaws in a movie that is overall well-paced, fairly unique and elevated by a very talented cast.

Even though there could have been more scenes between younger Elliott and older Elliott, the movie makes a point of showing that this story doesn’t want to rely too heavily on a time-traveling gimmick. And although the movie’s title is “My Old Ass,” the story’s focus remains consistently from the perspective of younger Elliott. Viewers will be curious to know what older Elliott’s secret is about Chad, but the most interesting and best part of the movie is how Elliott reacts when she inevitably finds out this secret.

Amazon MGM Studios released “My Old Ass” in select U.S. cinemas on September 13, 2024, with an expansion to more U.S. cinemas on September 27, 2024.

Review: ‘Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,’ starring Michael Keaton, Winona Ryder, Catherine O’Hara, Justin Theroux, Monica Bellucci, Jenna Ortega and Willem Dafoe

September 5, 2024

by Carla Hay

Winona Ryder and Michael Keaton in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” (Photo courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)

“Beetlejuce Beetlejuice”

Directed by Tim Burton

Culture Representation: Taking place in the fictional city of Winter River, Connecticut, the fantasy film “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” (a sequel to the 1988 movie “Beetlejuice”) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with a few Latinos and some African Americans) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: Troublemaking and wisecracking demon Beetlejuice returns from captivity to stop the wedding of his would-be bride Lydia Deetz, a psychic who can see ghosts, while Lydia tries to repair her strained relationship with her daughter, and Beetlejuice is being hunted by his vengeful former bride.

Culture Audience: “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of the the first “Beetlejuice” movie, the movie’s headliners, director Tim Burton, and anyone who likes watching high-energy movies that are comedic supernatural stories.

Catherine O’Hara, Jenna Ortega, Winona Ryder and Justin Theroux in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” (Photo by Parisa Taghizadeh/Warner Bros. Pictures)

“Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” comes very close to being overstuffed with subplots, but they all tie together in the end. This flawed but energetic sequel to 1988’s “Beetlejuice” has enough supernatural fun to charm new fans and existing fans. Do viewers need to see the first “Beetlejuice” movie to understand “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice”? No, but it certainly helps, especially in noticing many of the references to the first “Beetlejuice” movie that are in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” These references (also known as Easter eggs) can be considered shameless fan servicing, but most sequels of hit movies are guilty of pandering to die-hard fans.

Directed by Tim Burton, “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” was written by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, who are both collaborators with Burton on Netflix’s “Addams Family” spinoff series “Wednesday.” Michael McDowell and Warren Skaaren wrote the first “Beetlejuice” movie, which was directed by Burton. Neither movie is perfect, but both movies have appeal to people who like movies that combine Gothic sensibilities with goofy comedy. “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” has many more characters (almost too many) compared to the first “Beetlejuice” movie, but the visual effects in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” are a vast improvement over the cringeworthy and tacky visual effects in “Beetlejuice.” The makeup in Beetlejuice” was superb though, which is why the movie won an Oscar for Best Makeup.

The original “Beetlejuice” movie has a simple plot: The ghosts of a married couple named Adam Maitland (played by Alec Baldwin) and Barbara Maitland (played by Geena Davis) try to get rid of the wealthy new family who have moved into and renovated the Maitlands’ former house in the fictional city of Winter River, Connecticut. The house’s new residents are former real estate developer Charles Deetz (played by Jeffrey Jones); his pretentious sculptor/conceptual artist wife Delia Deetz; and their Goth psychic teenage daughter Lydia Deetz (played by Winona Ryder), who is the only one in the family who can see ghosts.

The house is isolated and sits on a hilltop, which is why there are no neighbors who notice the strange activity taking place in the house. The Maitlands reluctantly enlist a troublemaking and wisecracking ghost demon named Betelgeuse (played by Michael Keaton) to try to get rid of the Deetz family. Betelgeuse becomes enamored with Lydia and wants to marry her. Betelgeuse (who lived and died as a human sometime in the 1300s) appears when his name is said three times in a row. There’s an entirely different discussion that could be had about how inappropriate it is for Betelgeuse to marry an underage teen, but it underscores how much of a creep Betelgeuse is and how he comes from an era when it was considered normal to marry someone who is 15 or 16 years old.

In “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” Lydia (also played by Ryder) is now a single mother who is the famous host of TV series called “Ghost House With Lydia Deetz,” where she helps people who say they have haunted houses. It’s mentioned that Lydia has been a professional psychic for the past 15 years. Lydia is a pill-popping neurotic who has been dating her manager Rory (played by Justin Theroux), who is an obviously slimy manipulator pretending to be sensitive and caring. Rory not only enables Lydia’s drug abuse, but he also encourages it.

Lydia uses pills to cope with her personal life being a mess. She barely speaks to her parents. Lydia also doesn’t have much of a relationship with her teenage daughter Astrid (played by Jenna Ortega, star of “Wednesday”), who is bitter because Astrid thinks Lydia cares more about her career than Lydia cares about Astrid. Lydia was separated from Astrid’s father Richard (played by Santiago Cabrera) when Richard died in a drowning accident.

Astrid, who is about 16 or 17, is a student at a boarding school, where Astrid is a loner who is treated like an outsider freak because of what Lydia does for a living. There’s a scene where some “mean girls” have vandalized Astrid’s room by putting up a paper ghost in the room that says “Boo.” Astrid is highly intellgent and well-read, but she has a lot of anger toward Lydia. Astrid thinks Lydia is a fraud because Lydia cannot see the ghost of Astrid’s father Richard.

One day, Lydia gets a frantic phone call from her mother Delia, who tells her to come to Winter River immediately. That’s how Lydia finds out that her father Charles died. His plane crashed over the South Pacific, and he was killed by a shark. In real life, “Beetlejuice” co-star Jones, who played Charles, got arrested in 2002 for child porn. Jones is now a registered sex offender, which is probably why he wasn’t asked to be in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” which uses animation, visual effects and archival footage of Jones to depict Charles in the movie.

Lydia feels uncomfortable with returning to Winter River, because it brings back bad memories of Betelgeuse, whose name is now spelled Beetlejuice in this sequel. (“Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” was actually filmed in the United Kingdom, Vermont and Massachusetts.) Astrid and Rory also go to Winter River to attend Charles’ funeral. Delia and Astrid don’t really know each other but they do have one thing in common: They both despise Rory.

To the horror of Delia and Astrid, Rory uses Charles’ memorial service to propose marriage to Lydia—and he wants to get married in Winter River on Halloween, which is two days after this marriage proposal. Father Damien (played by Burn Gorman), the priest to led the funeral service, has been enlisted to officiate at the wedding. Lydia wants more time to think about Rory’s marriage proposal. However, Rory makes her feel guilty, so she reluctantly agrees to this hasty wedding. Lydia is also seeing some indications that Beetlejuice might be coming back into her life.

Meanwhile, “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” explains from the beginning that Beetlejuice has been trapped in an afterlife purgatory. In his previous life (when he was alive), he was a grave robber who married a femme fatale named Delores (played by Monica Bellucci), the leader of a soul-sucking cult. Beetlejuice left Delores, but the ghost of Delores wants to get back together with Beetlejuice by any means necessary to marry him. An early scene in the movie shows Delores putting her sliced body back together, with her restored body in stitches.

Beetlejuice has several mute minions with shrunken heads who wear the same type of striped suit that he does. His most loyal and rusted minion is named Bob. “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” has a lot of scenes with these minions that might remind people of how the “Despicable Me” animated movies use their own minion characters for anti-hero/supervillain Gru.

One of the biggest comedic gags in the “Beetlejuice” movies is an afterlife waiting room, where recently deceased people wait to get checked in to travel to heaven, hell or somewhere in between. The ghosts appear exactly as how they looked when they died, which means many of these ghosts are mutilated or deformed if they died gruesome deaths. Near the beginning of “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” Danny DeVito has a quick cameo as an unnamed janitor in this afterlife waiting area.

It’s in this waiting area, there’s an Afterlife Crimes Unit led by a pompous ghost named Wolf Jackson (played by Willem Dafoe), who was an actor when he was alive. Wolf was an actor who was best known for playing a police detective named Frank Hardballed. As a ghost, Wolf still likes to pretend that he’s a real cop. He takes it upon himself to lead team that is looking for Delores, the chief suspect in a spree of murders where people’s souls have been sucked out of them.

And there’s even more going on in this plot: After Lydia accepts Rory’s marriage proposal, a disgusted Astrid storms off on her bicycle. Astrid accidentally crashes through a fence and tumbles into a backyard tree. The tree has a treehouse, where teenage Jeremy Frazier (played by Arthur Conti) happens to be when Astrid has her bike accident.

You know what happens next: Jeremy and Astrid, who are both about the same age and are intellectual loners, have an immediate attraction to each other. But what will happen to their relationship if Astrid is only going to be in Winter River for a few days? There are some twists and turns in “Beetlejuice” which have some surprises that are more unpredictable than others.

“Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” has some nostalgic references to the first “Beetlejuice” movie. The Handbook for the Recently Deceased is once again a pivotal part of the plot. Miss Shannon’s School for Girls, which was seen at the end of “Beetlejuice,” has a much more prominent role in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” Little Jane Butterfield (played by Rachel Mittelman), the pre-teen daughter of nosy real-estate agent Jane Butterfield (played by Annie McEnroe) in “Beetlejuice,” is now all grown up in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” The adult Jane Butterfield Jr. (played by Amy Nuttall) is also a real-estate agent.

Music also plays a big role in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” which has “Beetlejuice” composer Danny Elfman returning for the franchise’s jaunty score music. In “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” there’s a soul train where people in the waiting area dance like they’re in a “Soul Train” episode from the 1970s. There are mostly African American people (many with Afro hairstyles) in these soul train scenes, which might or might not be taken a certain way depending on how much viewers know about “Soul Train” in the 1970s.

Songs from Harry Belafonte’s 1956 “Calypso” album—most notably the hit tune “Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)”—are prominently featured in the original “Beetlejuice” and can be heard again in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” But the song that gets its big moment in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” is “MacArthur Park,” which was a hit (separately) for Richard Harris in 1968 and Donna Summer in 1978. Also look for a comedic moment featuring Richard Marx’s 1989 hit “Right Here Waiting.”

Keaton, Ryder and O’Hara all give very good performances in reprising their “Beetlejuice” roles. In “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” Ryder has the most challenging task of the three original “Beetlejuice” stars because her Lydia character has changed the most from the original “Beetlejuice” movie. Lydia is now a complicated adult with more emotional baggage than what the teenage Lydia character had. Much of the movie relies on Lydia’s reactions to a lot of the mayhem that takes place. Ryder’s performance as Lydia (who gets the most screen time in the movie) could be annoying to some or entertaining to others, but she is always compelling to watch in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.” Keaton’s Beetlejuice is essentially the same, while O’Hara’s Delia is even more cartoonish than in the original “Beetlejuice” movie.

Ortega and Theroux are perfectly fine in their roles, but they’re both doing versions of other characters that they’ve already done on screen: the pouting teen character for Ortega, the two-faced liar character for Theroux. The “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” filmmakers made the right decision to have Delores say as little as possible because Bellucci has a limited acting range compared to other stars in the “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” cast, although she looks fabulous as Delores, who could pass for an evil cousin of Morticia Addams. Dafoe hams it up as the buffoonish Wolf, who is the most unnecessary new character in “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.”

“Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” at times seems a little too self-satisfied with all of the different subplots that are sometimes left to dangle and are left hanging while another subplot comes along as a distraction. The mischievious rogue Beetlejuice is also not in the movie as much as some viewers might expect from a film named after this character. Overall, if viewers have any curiosity about “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice,” it’s best to see the original “Beetlejuice” movie first and then enjoy the somewhat wild and bumpy ride that is “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.”

Warner Bros. Pictures will release “Beetlejuice Beetlejuice” in U.S. cinemas on September 6, 2024. The movie was released in several countries outside the U.S. and had sneak preview screenings in U.S. cinemas on September 4, 2024.

Review: ‘Harold and the Purple Crayon’ (2024), starring Zachary Levi, Lil Rel Howery, Benjamin Bottani, Jemaine Clement, Tanya Reynolds, Zooey Deschanel and the voice of Alfred Molina

July 31, 2024

by Carla Hay

“Harold and the Purple Crayon”

Directed by Carlos Saldanha

Culture Representation: Taking place in Providence, Rhode Island, the fantasy film “Harold and the Purple Crayon” (based on the book of the same name) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with a few African Americans) representing the working-class and middle-class.

Culture Clash: Children’s book characters Harold (who uses a magic purple crayon that can make illustration things become real things) and friends Moose and Porcupine go to the real world to find their book narrator and experience various misadventures.

Culture Audience: “Harold and the Purple Crayon” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of the movie’s headliners, the book on which the movie is based, and anyone who doesn’t mind watching substandard entertainment geared to families and underage children.

Pictured clockwise, from left: Benjamin Bottani, Zachary Levi, Lil Rel Howery and Zooey Deschanel in “Harold and the Purple Crayon” (Photo courtesy of Sony Pictures)

“Harold and the Purple Crayon” is as sloppy and muddled as someone doodling while drunk. This mishandled movie looks like a rejected TV show aimed at children, with most of the cast members looking embarrassed to be there. “Harold and the Purple Crayon” might be acceptable for viewers who want to have something to watch without any expectations of being fully engaged or entertained by what they’re seeing. But for people expecting imagination and charm in a movie about characters who can use a magic crayon to draw things that become reality, then “Harold and the Purple Crayon” is not the movie to watch.

Directed by Carlos Saldanha, “Harold and the Purple Crayon” is based on Crockett Johnson’s 1955 children’s fiction book of the same name. The “Harold and the Purple Crayon” book is the first in a series of Johnson’s books that have a 4-year-old boy named Harold as the main character. David Guion and Michael Handelman co-wrote the “Harold and the Purple Crayon” adapted screenplay, which is a dreadful concoction of stale jokes, hollow characters and boring scenarios. The movie (which takes place mostly in Providence, Rhode Island) updates the story to take place in the 2020s. Johnson’s “Harold” books were also adapted into a short-lived HBO animated series called “Harold and the Purple Crayon,” which lasted for one season from 2001-2002.

In the beginning of the movie “Harold and the Purple Crayon,” a voiceover narrator (voiced by Alfred Molina) explains that illustrated drawing characters Harold and his animal pals Moose and Porcupine are best friends. Harold, who is supposed to be a 4-year-old boy, has a magical purple crayon where anything he draws becomes a reality. The movie spends less than three minutes showing Harold, Moose and Porcupine in their illustrated book world before the movie abruptly shifts to making these illustrated characters come to life.

That’s because sheltered Harold, who is now physically grown up but still has the naïveté of a child, suddenly gets curious about who this narrator is and wants to meet him in person when the narrator goes silent. Harold assumes that this narrator is his elderly father, so Harold wants to go to the real world to find his “old man,” which are words that Harold repeatedly uses throughout the movie to describe the narrator. Moose and Porcupine are reluctant to go to the real world because they heard it can be a scary place where bad things can happen.

Harold is determined though, so he goes through a magical portal and ends up in the “real world,” which is Providence. Why is this story located in Providence? As the movie explains later, Providence is the location of the Crockett Johnson Museum. Harold doesn’t know anything about his “old man,” including the name of the “old man,” so part of the movie (which gets distracted by other things) is about Harold thinking any elderly man he sees is his “old man.”

When Harold enters the “real world,” he is a fully grown man (played by Zachary Levi) wearing the same thing that Harold the book character wears: a blue onesie. Harold might look like an adult, but he has the life experience and intelligence of a child. Sound familiar? In “Harold and the Purple Crayon,” Levi is doing another version of the “boy trapped in an adult body” superhero character that he played in the “Shazam!” movies, but “Harold and the Purple Crayon” is much worse than the “Shazam!” movies.

Eventually, Moose goes through the portal, but his transformation goes from looking like a moose to looking like a man (played by Lil Rel Howery), who wears clothing with moose illustrations on it. Moose can randomly turn back into a moose, apparently when he’s startled or scared. The movie does a horrible job of explaining how and why Moose can switch back and forth between looking like an animal and looking like a human.

Porcupine is the last person to go through the portal to the “real world.” She also appears in the real world as an adult human (played by Tanya Reynolds), but the only visual reference to her being a porcupine is that in human form, she has a purple-streaked Mohawk. Porcupine is the most annoying of the three pals. She’s so annoying, this movie has Porcupine separated from all the other characters for a great deal of the story because Porcupine is looking for Harold and Moose.

This movie’s costume design is a failure of imagination. Porcupine wears a black leather jacket and black trousers, but that outfit should’ve been accented with a lot of studs or spikes, to make it look like she’s a porcupine in human form. Later in the movie, Porcupine wears a motorcycle helmet with black Mohawk spikes, but it’s too little, too late. By then, the movie has gone completely off the rails, and no creative costume design can save it.

The portal to the real world leads to an unnamed park in Providence. Harold wants to hug every elderly man he thinks might be his “old man,” and gets the expected “get away from me” responses. When Harold starts running next to a jogger (played by TJ Jackson) in the park, he asks the jogger: “What are we running from?” The jogger replies, “Grown men in a onesie,” as he moves away from Harold. This is the type of cringeworthy “comedy” that’s in this misfire of a movie.

Harold and Moose soon find each other in the park. Moose and Harold accidentally get hit but not seriously injured by a car driven by a widow named Terry (played by Zooey Deschanel), who is in the car with her son Melvin, nicknamed Mel (played by Benjamin Bottani), who’s about 11 or 12 years old. Because of the accident, Terry’s car gets a flat tire. No problem. Harold takes out his purple crayon and draws a new tire, which becomes a purple tire that Terry can use for her car.

Terry feels guilty about this car accident, so when Harold and Moose tell Terry and Mel that they’re new to the area and need a temporary place to stay, Mel convinces Terry to let Harold and Moose stay at their house. Harold and Moose have to stay in the attic, but they are thrilled because the attic has things they’ve never seen before in their limited book-illustration world. And what a coincidence: Terry still has some of her deceased husband’s clothes, and he happened to be same size as Harold. Terry lets Harold borrow these clothes so he isn’t walking around looking like a Super Mario Bros. character.

Mel is a lonely kid who is bullied at his school. Mel has an imaginary friend named Carl, which he describes as a creature that’s a combination of an eagle, a lion and an alligator. Harold treats Mel with kindness and encourages Mel (who likes to draw) to use his imagination and indulge in fantasies. And you just know what’s going to happen when later in the movie, Harold breaks his magic purple crayon in half and gives this half of the crayon to Mel. When Carl does finally appear (which isn’t a secret because this creature has already been revealed in official photos from the movie), it actually looks more like an oversized lizard with wings.

Harold and Moose find out that even though Terry is a very nice person, she hasn’t been happy ever since her husband died. (The husband’s cause of death is not mentioned in the film.) Terry also says she hates her job. She works as a shelf stocker for Ollie’s Bargain Outlet, a discount general store that’s similar to Walmart. Terry’s dream job is to be a concert pianist. Mel tells Harold that he wants his mother to be happy again. You know where all of this is going, of course.

“Harold and the Purple Crayon” plods along with lackluster scenarios, such as Terry waking up one day, after her new house guests have arrived, to find out that Harold and Moose have made several blueberry pies and are eating them for breakfast with Mel. Mel has drawn a flying tarantula-sized spider with fangs, which Harold brings to life by using his magic crayon. This creature flits around and scares some people on more than one occasion, and then just flies out of the scene. It’s all so pointless.

Harold, Moose and Mel go to the C.C. Barrister Library to try to get information on Harold’s “old man.” At the library, they meet chief librarian Gary Natwick (played by Jemaine Clement), a pompous creep who has written an unpublished fantasy novel where the novel’s “hero” (who dresses like a knight) is a version of Gary. Gary has an unrequited crush on Terry, so Gary becomes jealous and alarmed when Harold innocently tells Gary that he’s been seeing Terry and is spending nights at Terry’s home.

Harold, Moose and Mel become a tight-knit trio who get involved in various misadventures. And where is Porcupine during all of this male bonding? Getting herself into bungling trouble, such as when she goes to a house because she’s sure that’s where Harold and Moose are, but it’s someone else’s house, and the owners think she’s a burglar. With Porcupine being so separate from the main story, there’s a whiff of sexism in repetitive scenarios showing her as a “troublemaker” while the three guys (Harold, Moose and Mel) get to have almost all of the fun.

The acting performances in “Harold and the Purple Crayon” are mediocre to terrible. Levi looks like he’s trying the hardest to stay in character. But in reality, he’s woefully miscast as Harold. Very few middle-aged actors can be convincing as a character who’s supposed to have the mentality of a human child but in an adult’s body. And in this case, it actually looks creepy and weird in “Harold and the Purple Crayon.”

And it doesn’t help that “Harold and the Purple Crayon” has such an uninteresting villain. Clement’s hilarious comedic talent (which can be seen in other on-sceen entertainment) is completely squandered in this cinematic flop. The depiction of Gary looks like half-baked campiness, which doesn’t really fit the earnest tone that the rest of the movie has.

Deschanel, Howery and Bottani are servicable in their “Harold and the Purple Crayon” roles but don’t do anything that’s noteworthy. Reynolds stands out for the wrong reasons: Her acting is either too stiff or over-exaggerated. Most of the celebrity cast members in this movie do not look emotionally invested in their characters at all and look like they’re just there to collect a salary.

The movie’s visual effects are basic, while the movie’s pacing is often sluggish. The misguided filmmaking in “Harold and the Purple Crayon” could trigger a thousand pun jokes about needing to go back to the drawing board for fresh new ideas. And those jokes would be inifinitely better than the uninspired swill that this disappointing movie dud turned out to be.

Columbia Pictures will release “Harold and the Purple Crayon” in U.S. cinemas on August 2, 2024.

Review: “Deadpool & Wolverine,’ starring Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman, Emma Corrin and Matthew Macfadyen

July 23, 2024

by Carla Hay

“Deadpool & Wolverine”

Directed by Shawn Levy

Culture Representation: Taking place in various universes, the sci-fi/fantasy/action film “Deadpool & Wolverine” (based on Marvel Comics is the first “Deadpool” and “X-Men”-related movie that is part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some African Americans and Asians) portraying superheroes, supervillains, powers and regular human beings.

Culture Clash: Bickering superheroes Deadpool and Wolverine team up to stop certain villains who want to make Deadpool’s universe disappear.

Culture Audience: “Deadpool & Wolverine” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of the movie’s headliners, superhero movies and action films that have some bawdy comedy with self-referencing jokes.

Emma Corrin in “Deadpool & Wolverine” (Photo by Jay Maidment/20th Century Studios/Marvel Studios)

“Deadpool & Wolverine” takes a joke-filled grenade and throws it at previous perceptions of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. This hyperactive superhero sequel goes all-in with meta references, surprise appearances, and male homoerotic flirting. There are so many references to previous MCU movies, Disney’s acquisition of 20th Century Fox, executive decisions for superhero movies, and some of the cast members’ personal lives in the real world, it would be easy for anyone not familiar with any of these references be confused or not understand at last half of the jokes in the movie. “Deadpool & Wolverine”(based on Marvel Comics characters) is still an adrenaline-packed, crowd-pleaser for anyone inclined to like superhero movies, even if the movie is overstuffed with “surprises” to bulk up what is essentially a very thin plot.

Directed by Shawn Levy, “Deadpool & Wolverine” is the first MCU movie starring Marvel Comics characters from 20th Century Fox Studios (now known as 20th Century Studios), which was acquired by Disney (also owner of Marvel Studios) in 2019, about two years before the acquisition was announced. As a result, Marvel characters that have had movies from 20th Century Fox, such as Deadpool, the X-Men (which includes Wolverine), the Fantastic Four, Blade, Daredevil and Elektra, are among the characters who can now be part of the MCU. “Deadpool & Wolverine” was written by Levy, Ryan Reynolds, Rhett Reese, Paul Wernick and Zeb Wells.

“Deadpool & Wolverine” is also the first MCU movie to have a movie rating that is recommended viewing for people at or close to adult ages. The movie gets this rating because of the bloody violence and cursing. “Deadpool & Wolverine” also has some sexual comments/innuendos that are intended for mature/adult audiences. Do people need to see any of 20th Century Fox’s previous superhero movies to better understand “Deadpool & Wolverine”? Yes. The best ones to see before “Deadpool & Wolverine” are 2016’s “Deadpool,” 2018’s “Deadpool 2” and 2017’s “Logan.”

In the very beginning of “Deadpool & Wolverine” wisecracking superhero Deadpool (played by Reynolds) is seen digging up a grave in a snowy wooded area. He’s trying to find and resurrect surly superhero Wolverine (played by Hugh Jackman), a human-wolf mutant also known as Logan, who died in the “Logan” movie. Wolverine is one of the main characters in the “X-Men” series of movies and comic books. Deadpool, whose real name is Wade Wilson, is a Canadian mercenary nicknamed Merc with a Mouth. Wade was disfigured by tumor-like scars that he received from being in a hypobaric chamber, and he has superhuman regenerative healing abilities. Wade’s main weapons are his guns and swords, while Wolverine’s main weapons his retractable hand claws that are very large blades.

The meta references in “Deadpool & Wolverine” start from the very first scene. Deadpool can be heard saying in a voiceover about resurrecting Wolverine/Logan: “Marvel is so stupid. How are we going to do this without dishonoring Logan’s memory? We’re not.” There’s an amusing fight scene that Deadpool has with some soldiers the wooded area, where Deadpool dances to *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye.” And then, there’s a flashback to Deadpool’s life in 2018 and in 2024, before he ended up in this fight.

The flashbacks show that Wade has retired his Deadpool superhero persona and is working as a salesperson for a company called Drive Max, which is a lot like the real-life automobile sales company CarMax. Wade is close to a middle-aged co-worker named Peter (played by Rob Delaney), who is also a salesperson at Drive Max. A flashback to 2018 shows that Wade is unhappy in this dead-end job, so he interviews with Happy Hogan (played by Jon Favreau), Iron Man’s former chauffeur, to see if he can get back in the superhero business. Deadpool says he needs to join the Avengers (Marvel’s most famous group of superheroes), but Happy tells Wade that people aren’t Avengers because they need to be but because people need the Avengers.

In 2024, Wade is living with elderly roommate Blind Al (played by Leslie Uggams), who mentions several times that she’s a cocaine dealer. (The cocaine comments in the movie are played for laughs.) On his birthday, Wade goes home and gets a surprise birthday party, whose guests are Blind Al; Wade’s ex-girlfriend Vanessa Carlysle (played by Morena Baccarin); and various superhero friends who were introduced in 2018’s “Deadpool 2”: Dopinder (played by Karan Soni); Negasonic Teenage Warhead (played by Brianna Hildebrand); Yukio (played by Shioli Kutsuna); Colussus (played by Stefan Kapicic); and Buck (played by Randal Reeder). At this party, Vanessa tells Wade that she has a new boyfriend. Wade (who’s still in love with Vanessa) is visibly disappointed that she has moved on to someone else.

After this birthday party, Wade suddenly finds himself transported to the headquarters of the Time Variance Authority (TVA), which is responsible for various timelines in the multiverse. Wade meets a pompous TVA official named Mr. Paradox (played by Matthew Macfadyen), who informs Wade that when an anchor being dies in a universe, the universe and its timeline will eventually fade from existence. Mr. Paradox tells Wade/Deadpool that the universe of Wade/Deadpool and all of Wade’s loved ones will eventually cease to exist. Mr. Paradox has been tasked with overseeing this extinction.

Wade/Deadpool finds out that the “anchor being” for this universe is Wolverine/Logan. And so begins a race against time to find Wolverine/Logan (there are several in the multiverse) who is alive and team up with Wolverine to save Deadpool’s universe. “Deadpool & Wolverine” has a flurry of alternate Wolverines/Logans who make quick appearance in this search, including one played by an actor who is famous for starring as a DC Comics superhero.

The Wolverine/Logan who ends up teaming up with Deadpool/Wade is dealing with massve guilt over the death of millions of beings in his universe. The movie’s chief villain is Cassandra Nova (played by Emma Corrin), the twin sister of “X-Men” character Charles Xavier. She lives in a place called The Void, which “Deadpool & Wolverine” is quick to self-referentially point out is the movie’s ripoff version of what’s in the “Mad Max” movies. Cassandra has extremely powerful telekinesis abilities. She can also take her hands to go inside bodies and grab onto people’s organs. When she takes a hold of someone’s brain, she can read their mind and enter their thoughts.

The movie’s visual effects are above-average but they’re not groundbreaking. “Deadpool & Wolverine’s” soundtrack songs lean heavily into nostalgia. In addition to *NSYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye,” other songs featured prominently in the movie are Madonna’s “Like a Prayer”; John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John’s “Grease” duet “You’re the One that I Want”; and Huey Lewis & the News’ “The Power of Love” and “If This Is It.” This isn’t a soundtrack that will have an award-winning hit original song written for the soundtrack.

“Deadpool & Wolverine” also mines nostalgia in other ways, such as plenty of surprise superhero appearances—some that are more predictable than others. Some of these superhero appearances are played by the same cast members who were these superheroes in other movies, while other superhero appearances are from cast members playing these superheroes for the first time in a movie. Perhaps the biggest surprise is the appearance of someone who seems to be one superhero but then is revealed to be another superhero.

Reynolds and Jackman play up the “opposites attract and clash” personalities of Deadpool and Wolverine to the hilt. They get into some epic battles with villains and with each other. Reynolds has said in interviews that he thinks Deadpool is probably bisexual or sexually fluid, and so he portrays the character in this way. “Deadpool & Wolverine” doesn’t come right out and declare Deadpool’s sexuality, but the movie doesn’t really play coy about Deadpool’s sexuality either. There are numerous scenes that show Deadpool/Wade is still in love with Vanessa but he is sexually attracted to Wolverine/Logan.

Corrin is quite good in the role of ice-cold Cassandra, but this villain won’t go be remembered as the most fearsome or entertaining MCU villain. Macfadyen (the Emmy-winning former co-star of “Succession”) also has a role as an icy Brit villain, although prissy Mr. Paradox doesn’t have any superpowers and is a lot less menacing than Cassandra. There’s also a Deadpool dog named Dogpool who is in the movie for offbeat cuteness and comic relief. Cassandra’s minions are generic and forgettable, except for an underdeveloped character named Pyro (played by Aaron Stanford), who can make flames come out of his hands.

The movie has some snarky references to a few of the cast members’ personal lives. For example, Deadpool says that Wolverine has let his toned physique go flabby because of the divorce, which is in reference to Jackman’s own real-life divorce that Jackman going through while filming “Deadpool & Wolverine.” There’s also a joke about two real-life ex-spouses who co-starred as superheroes in a superhero movie that was released in the early 2000s, a few years before the now-divorced couple got married.

“Deadpool & Wolverine” has an overload of references to past superhero movies, pop culture and celebrity gossip. Viewers who are unfamiliar with any of the above will just feel lost but can still enjoy the action and the characters. The movie’s end-credit scene is not a preview for a sequel but is an amusing reference to a previous scene in “Deadpool & Wolverine.” As far as MCU movies go, “Deadpool & Wolverine” is a wacky and entertaining ride that doesn’t take itself too seriously. “Deadpool & Wolverine” revels in poking fun itself as much as it pokes fun at the movie industry.

Marvel Studios and 20th Century Studios will release “Deadpool & Wolverine” in U.S. cinemas on July 26, 2024.

Review: ‘Villains Inc.’ (2024), starring Mallory Everton, Colin Mochrie, Jason Gray and Billy Mann

April 20, 2024

by Carla Hay

Colin Mochrie, Mallory Everton and Jason Gray in “Villains Inc.” (Photo courtesy of Purdie Distribution)

“Villains Inc.” (2024)

Directed by Jeremy Warner

Culture Representation: Taking place in an unnamed U.S. city, the sci-fi/fantasy/comedy film “Villains Inc.” features a predominantly white cast of characters (with a few African Americans) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy.

Culture Clash: Three bumbling villains and an “intern” who’s under “techno hypnosis” try to take over the world with a convoluted plan.

Culture Audience: “Villains Inc.” will appeal primarily to people who are interested in watching silly, low-budget comedies that are easily forgotten.

Trey Warner in “Villains Inc.” (Photo courtesy of Purdie Distribution)

Incoherent and unappealing, “Villains Inc.” looks like an amateur sketch comedy idea stretched into a messy feature-length movie. It’s a witless story about irksome villains and a shallow superhero who are as incompetent as this film. Don’t try to make sense of what you’re watching in “Villains Inc.,” because even the characters in the movie don’t really know what they’re doing.

Directed by Jeremy Warner, “Villains Inc.” (formerly titled “Villains Incorporated”) was co-written by Warner, Jason Gray and Matt Moen, who all have small and inconsequential acting roles in the movie. The story in “Villains” is so convoluted yet empty, it’s like watching people getting lost in a maze that they made for themselves. What makes everything worse is that “Villains Inc.” has a very off-putting smug tone, as if the filmmakers think the movie is funnier than it really is.

“Villains Inc.” is about three villains who think they are underappreciated for being “lowly” assistant villains to their more powerful boss. They don’t want to be overshadowed and want the fame and power they think they deserve. And so, these three misfit villains decide to team up and take over the world. Along the way, they enlist the help of an “intern,” whose mind is controlled by “techno hypnotism.” It sounds like a potentially good idea for a madcap comedy, but the way the story is told in this movie, it just becomes time-wasting, frequently dull garbage.

“Villains Inc.” takes place in an unnamed U.S. state but was actually filmed in Utah. A scene early on in the movie shows that the U.S. Constitution in this story has added a 28th Amendment that makes superpowers a human right. There is nothing in “Villains Inc.” that comes close to being an entertaining story about people with superpowers.

The leader of this villainous trio is talkative and annoying Beatrix Bennington (played by Mallory Everton), who comes up with a nonsensical plan for world domination. Beatrix wants to open a chain of stores called Killer Petco, where pets will be sold to the world’s most powerful villains. The pets will be secretly trained to kill their villain owners. Through fine-print clauses on the Killer Petco sales contracts, the dead villains’ assets will be inherited by Beatrix and her cohorts.

Beatrix’s sidekicks are dimwitted Harold (played by Colin Mochrie) and pessimistic Cain (played by Jason Gray), who is the one most likely to doubt that Beatrix’s plans will succeed. The movie’s opening scenes shows that Beatrix, Harold and Cain feel liberated after they watch their boss Winter General (played by Gabe Casdorph) die in a fight with a lunkhead Superman-like character named Captain Justice (played by Trey Warner), who pops in and out of the story at inexplicable moments.

Beatrix, Harold and Cain try unsuccessfully to profit from their boss’ death by attempting to gain access to his power and wealth. Instead, this bungling trio is forced to do tasks assigned to them by a villain employment agency, where they interact with a sassy unnamed agent (played by GloZell Green), who thinks Beatrix, Harold and Cain are idiots. Some of the tasks the trio is forced to do include poison testing, holding up target practice signs, and being night security guards, electricians and lab technicians.

There are moronic scenes where Beatrix goes through a villain “tryout” course and lies about having superpowers. Whether or not her lie gets exposed is supposed to be a big part of the story. Beatrix, Harold and Cain eventually cross paths with the aforementioned intern: a naïve flunky named Alex (played by Billy Mann), who becomes available after his previous villain boss Megadeath (played by Matthew Meese) is killed.

There are almost no laugh-out-loud moments in “Villains Inc.,” which careens from scene to scene with not much interesting happening. Everton gives a committed performance where she tries to be funny in every scene that she’s in, but the other cast members just go through the motions with unimpressive performances. The people who might enjoy this dreadful film the most are people who are too intoxicated to care what they’re watching.

Purdie Distribution released “Villains Inc.” in select U.S. cinemas on April 19, 2024.

Review: ‘Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire,’ starring Rebecca Hall, Brian Tyree Henry, Dan Stevens, Kaylee Hottle, Alex Ferns and Fala Chen

March 28, 2024

by Carla Hay

“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire”

Directed by Adam Wingard

Culture Representation: Taking place in various places on Earth, the sci-fi/fantasy/action film “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” features a racially diverse cast of human characters (white, African American and Asian) representing the working-class, middle-class and wealthy, in addition to the movie having fictional animal characters.

Culture Clash: Giant monsters Godzilla and Kong team up to fight a common enemy: a giant ape called Skar King, a brutal ruler of an oppressive society in Hollow Earth.

Culture Audience: “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of the Godzilla and King Kong franchise and adrenaline-packed and entertaining action movies about giant monsters.

Dan Stevens, Rebecca Hall and Kaylee Hottle in “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” (Photo by Daniel McFadden/Warner Bros. Pictures)

Better and bolder than its predecessor, “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” delivers what viewers can expect to see when two titan monsters team up against a common enemy. There are less human characters who are irritating and more spectacular action. Be prepared to wait for the epic showdown scene when Godzilla and Kong finally join forces. The movie builds up to this moment with the right amount of anticipation and suspense. It’s worth the wait.

Directed by Adam Wingard, “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” is a direct sequel to 2021’s “Godzilla vs. Kong,” a bombastic action flick that had too many annoying humans and a lot of bad dialogue than significantly lowered the quality of the movie. “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” has a new screenwriting team (Terry Rossio, Simon Barrett and Jeremy Slater) that made a huge improvement in the story’s narrative, structure and character development, compared to “Godzilla vs. Kong,” which was directed by Wingard and written by Eric Pearson and Max Borenstein.

In “Godzilla x Kong,” mutant dinosaur Godzilla is living above ground and still causing destruction. One of the intentionally amusing things in the movie is that when Godzilla is in Rome, he sleeps in the Colosseum. There are other world-famous landmarks in the movie that are the settings of some of the movie’s intense action scenes, such as the pyramids in Egypt. The scientists observing Godzilla notice that he has gone to a nuclear power plant to inhale the fumes, as if he’s gearing up for battle.

Meanwhile, giant ape Kong is living in his domain in an area in the middle of the Earth called Hollow Earth. Something seems to be disturbing him too. A signal seems to be interfering with Hollow Earth, which is under the scientific observation of the Monarch Hollow Earth Station in Barbados, as first seen in “Godzilla vs. Kong.” Dr. Ilene Andrews (played by Rebecca Hall) is the lead scientist.

Ilene’s adopted daughter Jia (played by Kaylee Hottle), who happens to be deaf, is mourning the genocide of her indigenous Iwi tribe of people, who worship and are protectors of Kong and others in his species. Later in the movie, an Iwi queen (played by Fala Chen) has some answers to questions about Jia’s heritage and Iwi legacy. Jia is causing concern at her school because she’s been making disturbing drawings in class on pieces of paper and on her desk. Jia tells Ilene, “I think I’m going crazy.” It turns out that Jia has been sensing certain signals that are interfering with Hollow Earth.

Ilene and Jia then go on an expedition to Hollow Earth with wisecracking Monarch veterinarian Trapper (played by Dan Stevens), hot-tempered pilot Mikael (played by Alex Ferns) and talkative podcaster Bernie (played by Brian Tyree Henry), who begs to be taken along for the ride. Ilene and Jia are the most level-headed people in this motley crew. What these expeditioners find in Hollow Earth changes the entire trajectory of the story.

Kong also has a new companion in Hollow Earth: a young monster ape named Suko, who has a child-like personality. Although they both get off to a rough start by clashing with each other, Kong develops a paternal relationship to Suko as they spend more time together, and they protect each other. This movie shows more of Kong’s vulnerable emotions than in “Godzilla vs. Kong.” The performances by the cast members are serviceable. Let’s face it: People see these Godzilla and Kong movies for the monsters more than the humans.

Kong and Suko both come across a formidable enemy: Skar King, an evil giant ape who has enslaved hundreds of other giant apes. Skar King has control of a mutant dinosaur named Shimo with freezing powers. Skar King uses Shimo in battles and to keep the enslaved apes in fear. There’s also a legendary creature from Godzilla lore (hint: the creature is female and has wings) that is also an important part of the story.

“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” also has a lot to say about family—whether the family is biological or found—and how being part of a family has a profound effect on the characters in the movie. (There are no mid-credits or end-credits scenes in the film.) The only main drawback to “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” is that the visual effects for Suko look too fake. However, the rest of the film is an entertaining ride that has the right blend of relatable emotions and thrilling action for the human and non-human characters.

Warner Bros. Pictures will release “Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire” in U.S. cinemas on March 29, 2024.

Review: ‘Madame Web,’ starring Dakota Johnson, Sydney Sweeney, Isabela Merced, Celeste O’Connor, Tahar Rahim, Emma Roberts and Adam Scott

February 13, 2024

by Carla Hay

“Madame Web”

Directed by SJ Clarkson

Culture Representation: Taking place in 2003 (with brief flashbacks to 1973), in New York City and in the Amazon jungle of Peru, the superhero action film “Madame Web” (based on Marvel Comics characters) features a predominantly white cast of characters (with some African Americans, Latinos and Asians) portraying superheroes and regular human beings.

Culture Clash: A fire-department paramedic, who grew up as an orphan, finds out that she has spider-related psychic abilities that came from her mother’s mysterious death, and she helps protect three teenage girls who are being hunted by the man who killed her mother.

Culture Audience: “Madame Web” will appeal primarily to people who are fans of star Dakota Johnson and movies based on Marvel Comics, but the movie is an idiotic mess, by any standard of bad superhero movies.

Tahar Rahim (center) in “Madame Web” (Photo courtesy of Columbia Pictures)

“Madame Web” and “The Marvels” are the “Dumb and Dumber” of female-led Marvel Comics superhero movies. After the triumphs of “Black Widow” and “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever,” it’s a travesty that “Madame Web” is a low point in wannabe feminist superhero films. Perhaps the only good thing to come out of “Madame Web” is that it is an unintentional comedy, because there is so much idiotic filmmaking on display, it’s laughable. Other people who won’t find it so funny will be cringing at “Madame Web,” which is an embarrassment for everyone involved in making this brain-dead film.

Directed by SJ Clarkson, “Madame Web” was co-written by Clarkson, Matt Sazama, Burk Sharpless and Claire Parker. “Madame Web” will get inevitable comparisons to 2023’s “The Marvels” because these two flops are obvious attempts to build a franchise around two separate groups of female superheroes. (See 2021’s “Black Widow” and 2022’s “Black Panther Wakanda Forever” for Marvel Comics-based, female-led superhero movies that are done right.) Whereas the story in “The Marvels” was overly ambitious and got tangled up in doing too many things in too many places, “Madame Web” tries to keep the story simple, but in doing so just exposes even more rapidly that it’s a mind-numbing, stupid mess.

“Madame Web” begins in 1973, in the Amazon jungles of Peru. An American scientist named Constance Webb (played by Kerry Bishé) is looking for a rare spider that has the potential to cure hundreds of diseases. Accompanying her on this expedition is an American named Ezekiel Sims (played by Tahar Rahim), whom Constance has hired to be her guide. Constance also happens to be about eight or nine months pregnant.

Ezekiel is over-eager for Constance to find this spider. His impatience should’ve been a big red flag to Constance that Ezekiel has ulterior motives. However, Constance is too preoccupied with finding this spider to notice. When she does find the spider, Ezekiel shoots her, steals the spider, and runs away.

Constance doesn’t die immedately. She is unconscious when she is saved by two tree-crawling and tree-hopping “spider men” of Peru (who basically look like acrobats with painted red skin), who bring her to a swampy area, put a spider on her chest, and deliver Constance’s baby, which is a girl. The spider on Constance’s chest was no ordinary spider. It bit Constance before the baby was delivered, so whatever type of venom the spider had has now been transferred into the blood of the baby.

Constance doesn’t survive, but her baby does, and the baby does not cry at all after being born. One of the Peruvian jungle dwellers who delivered the baby is named Santiago (played by José María Yazpik), who states solemnly to this newborn that she will eventually come back to this jungle to find him for answers to her questions. And when she does, Santiago adds, “I will be here for her.”

The movie then fast-forwards to 2003 in New York City. Constance’s baby is now a jaded 30-year-old bachelorette named Cassandra “Cassie” Webb (played by Dakota Johnson), who works as a paramedic for the Fire Department of New York. It’s mentioned in the movie that Cassie grew up as an orphan in the foster care system. Her biological father is never mentioned in the movie.

Cassie’s best friend is her paramedic co-worker Ben Parker (played by Adam Scott), who is also never-married with no children. Cassie and Ben, as they announce during their dull dialogue, don’t like the idea of “the family thing,” although Ben has been recently dating a special woman, and the relationship is getting serious. Ben won’t share any details about this relationship with Cassie, probably because he knows that bitter spinster Cassie will be jealous.

How do we know that Cassie is bitter about family love? When she saves a woman from a car accident and is at the hospital, the woman’s son (who’s about 8 or 9 years old) gives her a drawing that he made as a gift for saving his mother’s life. Cassie coldly asks Ben what she’s supposed to do with this gift since she doesn’t want it. Ben tells her she should just throw it in the garbage when the kid isn’t there.

It isn’t long before Cassie finds out that she has psychic abilities where she can see events that happen in the future. She discovers this clairvoyance after falling into the Atlantic Ocean while rescuing a man trapped in a car near a bridge. Ben rescues Cassie in a very sloppily staged scene, which is when she first finds out that she can see into the future.

Mike Epps has a very small and brief role as a paramedic supervisor named O’Neil, whose fate does not come as a surprise, since his character wasn’t useful to the overall story. Emma Roberts has a supporting role as Mary Parker, the pregnant wife of Ben’s brother Richard, who is never seen in the movie because he’s away working in Mumbai. Mary is eight months pregnant, and her pregnancy is used for exactly what you think it will be used for in a “race against” time scene later in the movie.

Meanwhile, Ezekiel (who is some type of scientist) was bitten by the spider that he stole, so now he has the ability to poison people just by touching them and holding them long enough. (Don’t ask.) After meeting an opera concertgoer whom he took home for a one-night stand, Ezekiel wakes up from a cold-sweat nightmare and tells her that he keeps dreaming of three teenage girls who want to kill him. His nightmarish visions show that all three girls are dressed as spider superheroes.

Ezekiel enlists the help of a technology expert named Amaria (played by Zosia Mamet) to find these three teenagers, because (as Ezekiel hilariously announces repeatedly in the movie), he wants to kill them before they can kill him. Amaria is only seen working for Ezekiel in a room with hi-tech equipment, such as surveillance cameras that are apparently everywhere in the New York City area.

“Their faces have been taunting me for years,” Ezekiel comments to Amaria about these teen tormenters. “Find them, and I’ll pay you a fortune.” Ezekiel tells Amaria several times that he will kill her if she doesn’t do what he wants. It’s later mentioned in the movie that Ezekiel thinks he’s going to be killed because he was cursed for stealing the spider.

The identities of the three teenagers are Julia Cornwall (played by Sydney Sweeney), a nervous people-pleaser; Mattie Franklin (played by Celeste O’Connor), a rebellious rich kid; and Anya Corazon (played by Isabela Merced), a level-headed undocumented immigrant. All three have encountered Cassie before they formally meet. Julia’s stepmother was a patient rescued earlier in the movie by Cassie, and Julia saw Cassie at the hospital. While skateboarding on a busy street, Mattie was nearly hit by a paramedic ambulance that Cassie had been driving on the way to the accident. Anya lives in the same apartment building as Cassie.

The rest of “Madame Web” is one ridiculous scenario after another where Casse tries to save Julia, Mattie and Anya from being murdered by Ezekiel, because Cassie had a psychic vision that it would happen when all them are on the same train. By rescuing these three teens and putting them in the woods to hide them, Cassie becomes a kidnapping suspect. Cassie spends much of the movie acting like a stern boarding school headmistress to these confused and bickering teenagers.

The acting in “Madame Webb” ranges from mediocre to bad, with Rahim’s stiff performance being the worst. Rahim’s wooden acting and questionable American accent (he’s French in real life) further sink the quality of this already low-quality superhero movie. The action sequences are flashy but empty. And don’t bother sticking around for a mid-credits or end-credits scene, because there is none.

The movie’s soundtrack choices sound like the filmmakers were thinking, “What songs would feminists and teenage girls be listening to in 2003?” The answer, according to “Madame Web”: Meredith Brooks’ “Bitch” and Britney Spears’ “Toxic.” The movie’s very “on the nose” soundtrack is in stark contrast to the rest of “Madame Webb,” which misses the mark in almost every single way.

Columbia Pictures will release “Madame Web” in U.S. cinemas on February14, 2024.